Just stop it

I don't usually let out my anger (except when I'm having one of my 'moods') but I just lashed out at someone just now, let it all out. I mean ALL

I am so fed up with everyone who keeps making fun of me. Fine, if its just for fun but there's a limit. And when you've crossed that line, you'll be VERY sorry.

Although I'm the type of person who gets mad quite easily but I forget it ever happens to me very quickly too. I know its stupid but sometimes I just wished that I could stay mad at someone longer than I usually does. You know why? Because I'm tired.Yes, I'm tired of being the one who always have to put everyone else's first before me, constantly thinking of making someone feel better when the one who I really should care about is me. It is kind of selfish. But it is? Just for a second, a millisecond maybe, just think about my feelings.

I am so bloody tired. Tired of being nice and pretend what they're saying doesn't hurt me one little bit when it's eating me inside.

When you think making fun of someone in front of them doesn't bother them, well sometimes you're wrong. Totally wrong.

I'm sick of it. Just stop. Don't let me hate you all.

Siapa yang makan cili dia yang terasa pedas. and one more, think before you say something because it might be the last time you'd ever talk to me.

Allah itu Maha Mengasihani

Alhamdulillah.
about the problem i had earlier, it has been solved.Thanks to Allah. Dia sentiasa mendengar pertolongan hambaNya. InsyaAllah.
Allah has many ways of showing us His love.You cannot expect you will get help straight after you asked for it.But when He does help, it is in the most amazing way you can ever think of. Maha Suci Allah yang menciptakan langit dan bumi.
How can we ever repay Him? Allah does not ask for anything in return except to obey Him and follow all that is in the Quran and Sunnah. Five times a day of prayer will not harm you.One prayer at least five minutes to meet Allah, when we as one who have been created by Him should put Him above all else every second, every minute and every hour everyday. But in real life, I myself cannot do it but I will always try to remember Allah in evrything I do. Only by doing that, InsyaAllah you will be blessed by Him and never get lost from the right path.

I feel awful

I am really really asking for trouble. WHY WHY WHY??
Why do I have to be so careless? Stupid mistake.Stupid Stupid STUPID
I hate it.

I miss

24th June 2010

11.25pm

What I missed about Taiping?

I missed the time I called my fellow wingmate and urged them to go to the school cafeteria

I missed the time I walked alone each weekend morning to my class just to get away from everyone else

I missed the time I laughed out loud with my wingmates inside my cube

I missed the breezy mornings and the cold air filling my lungs each time I took a breath

I missed the companionship of my friends when we went down to the surau each sunset

I missed the noise surrounding the classroom

I missed the fight we used to have

I missed the good times I had with everyone in Taiping

I missed the serenity and the calmness in the Surau

I missed the steps I took almost everyday to the library

I missed the walks with a friend we took each time we needed to calm our minds

I missed ordering MacDonalds and waiting for the scrumptious food to arrive at the gate

I missed the teachers giving advice, mad at us and most of all proud of us

I missed the lining-up and chattering while we waited for the teachers

I missed the silence in the classroom when everyone fell asleep with heads tilted to one side or face down on the table

I missed that. I just wished I could go back and replay all of these things with these wonderful people I have met and made friends with. Some have been more than a friend to me. MRSM Taiping is truly one of the best places I have been in my entire life where it has moulded me to become a better person. What I have learned there is a whole new thing. I never thought I would call Taiping a HOME.

 

27^th June 2010

It's been a week since I came to Kolej Mara Banting. There are few surprises no doubt about it. Things I could have not have guessed. All in all, it is to me seems to be a place where great people are born.

I would be lying if I say I do not miss home because it is the first thing that I would think about everyday for the past five days. How I loved to be in my room right now or spending time in the kitchen eating leftovers. Though sooner or later I did know I have to leave it behind.

There were lots of stories about how life in KMB is going to be like. The difficulties, the hardship you have to endure in order to gain your IB diploma. It is a process of learning, you have to see it for yourselves. Do not be scared because you would never know how hard it is until you go through it yourselves.

From what I heard, IB prepares you for a hectic life as a university student. You learn how to balance the tasks given, manage your time well. Apart from that, you will learn how to lend a hand to others through various charity groups in KMB. There were seniors who went to Cambodia to do charity recently. They contributed in their own ways and KMB helps you to do that to many other people around the world, those who needs help. It has been one of my dreams to do charity and join these people in making their lives better. I hope I will get a chance to do that too just like the seniors.

Last Friday, a number of ex-students of KMB came here. When they told us where they are studying places like Cork University, Trinity College of Dublin and RCSI (Royal College of Surgeon, Ireland) I was so overwhelmed with excitement. I wish I could go there after IB, InsyaAllah. They really lifted my spirits, to become one of them. Their experiences as a medical students gave us hope and for me, gave me encouragement to really give my best in IB. If people says it hard, prove to them you can do it. If it so damn hard, do you ever wonder how there are people who made their way through this tough program and got a chance of their lifetime to continues their degree overseas? InsyaAllah, it is always possible to be one of the greatest. You have to TRY YOUR HARDEST. We are limited, but we can push back the border of our limitation.

I pray to always be in the right path and for Allah to guide me and make me a strong person so that I can continue my study here in KMB. For both of my parents, your strengths and words of encouragement made I loved you even more

Let down

Today I have made a mistake. People do make mistakes but that cannot be used as an excuse so that you could be forgiven easily.
Never in my mind I thought of burdening someone especially the people closest to me.but I did. and I truly am sorry.
It is hard when you feel you have let someone down. I think I can stand it if the person is angry with me.What I can't stand if the person tells me she is upset with me, speaks to me in a dissapointed voice. You can tell she is way past the angry part and you let her down so badly.
Why didn't I think before I act? I've made many mistakes recently. Even though I did admit to what I did, I'm still feeling horrible.
I don't know if I'm just unlucky these past few days or Allah is testing me.

Ask for Forgiveness

I used to be a person who never liked to admit my mistakes. Being a person that I was, it is easy to find fault in others rather than myself. I tend to cover up my wrongdoings with excuses. lots and lots of it. Why can't it be easy to just admit that "I did it."

Then, one fight with a classmate changed me to this person I am now. It took a long time for me to put aside my ego as being "the Right One" all the time . I knew if we stayed not talking to each other, it wouldn't get us nowhere. Before I had the guts to say sorry, I was fighting with myself where one part of me kept convincing I was innocent while the other urging me to go up to her and apologise. When I finally did, the tears came too. After talking to her, I was feeling much better.

It might seem like an easy thing to do (just go up to a person and say you're sorry, whats so hard about that eh?) but I couldn't do it before. To say I'm sorry, is just not me.

Alhamdulillah, now I am learning to say sorry if possible everytime I know I'm making a mistake.

To anyone, if I ever did hurt you in any way know that I am truly sorry and if I were given a chance to speak to you again, I would ask for your forgiveness.