Jaga saya

Ihsan. Dah lama tak buat ye, DI?

Banyaknya hak orang2 yang tak tertunai lagi. Kalau betul2 ihsan, tak akan ketepikan pun hak2 diorang. Sebab ihsan. Sebab buat memang untuk Allah.

I think i'm at a point where i have become too indulged in my own world, trying to correct what is outside of me, reaching for people that are far away but inside, i am afraid that i have become...empty. 

For what am i doing what i am currently doing? Is it because everyone is doing it? I am scared that i am doing all this ,for nothing. Absolutely nothing. Just to fill that feeling of do ing something right but actually, i am doing it for nothing. 

I have so many things that i have to do, i can barely breathe. Trying to do everything, on my own. Taking care of myself, ignoring others. Trying to love, but pushing myself away from being loved. Being cared for. Because i cannot handle it. I just.dont.know.why.

I am trying to be strong. But it became wrong when i do it because of me. I cannot cry anymore, not as much as i used to. 

What i say, i don't mean. What i read, i don't feel. 

Deep down, just deep down, i am not as strong . 

Because i can't run from the fact that i need You.

I am just a servant. Hamba yang masih mencari kekuatan itu, Allah.

I think i just need to hold on. A little bit longer. Sebab ihsan. Sebab Allah tgk and Allah jaga.

Allah ada. Untuk jaga.