those 'extra' things

To actually having everything but yet not being able to do it.
it's hard right?
thinking of all those people that have the same interest, same dream but because of the limit, they couldn't do it. they can't.
Right now, to be able to realise with all the nikmat given, masyaAllah I don't think i've been able to do the right thing.
it was never what I wanted to do but with my capabilities, what I can and have to do.
Given the freedom, a little girl in palestine can have her education.
Given the time, a dying person would want to make the best of the time she has left.
Given Islam, you would want to treasure it so badly and try your hardest to jump in the bandwagon too, with the people who tries their hardest to reach UA, together.

I guess living on my own has made me realise all the 'extra' things I have been given. comfort, warmth, love, and chance.
chance to actually make a change to this world.
chance to make a change in other person.
chance to really touch other people's heart.
chance to know and make Islam as my deen. and the realisation that it is not just for me.

even though i know it will not be easy, swimming in the opposite direction, i know and i'm sure there are others beside me. who are also holding on to Him and have that faith.
that kind of faith.
this heart might be rusty every now and then,
but that light, His light is always a cleanser.

p/s: tersangatlah rindu sentuhan itu.
you know who you are

Contentment

what do I have to have before I can feel content?

"maka pernahkah kamu melihat orang yang menjadikan HAWA NAFSUnya sebagai TUHANNYA dan Allah membiarkannya sesat dgn sepengetahuanNya, dan Allah telah mengunci pendengaran dan hatinya serta meletakkan tutup atas penglihatannya? Maka siapakah yang mampu memberinya petunjuk selain Allah (membiarkannya sesat)? Mengapa kamu tidak mengambil pelajaran?"

(45:23)

one of the many things about ODOJ is that it pushes me to read the Quran and a lot of times, i always found a new ayat which I didn't remember crossing.

and this ayat certainly left a trace and more like a big 'penumbuk' too. 

hawa nafsu. from what we used to understand, its all about lust. but in Muntalaq, al-hawa is everything that is not Islam. Its either wahyu or al-hawa. al-haq or al-batil. nothing in between, and certainly no grey areas..

If you have two things which is totally opposite but you love both so equal, but yet you have to choose between the two, how can you possibly do it? 

The last sentence in this ayat: mengapa kamu tidak mengambil pelajaran?

at first, i didn't think of anything but then when i re-read it, its like Allah is telling me , 'you've been down this road before.' you have made a mistake once, and you are willing to repeat it again???

when He made our hearts hardened, and He closes our eyes so that we became oblivious to His Hidayah, isn't that just...the worst thing ever?

we have felt once, what its like to live in a pile of mud, so content with the filth and smell, because we couldn't see past the fun playing in the mud, our dreams were just like that of a child. then, Allah pulled us out, away from the filth and start to take a step towards His hidayah. light upon light. cahaya di atas cahaya. 

yet now, we want to go back to that place again and choose al-hawa' over al-haq?

but its just too painful to leave it behind. 

it would be more painful to suffer in the Hereafter.

still, its too painful.

but still, what is more painful? suffering now or in the Hereafter?

i thought i would be content if I can have dot.dot.dot. but i'm just fooling myself with childish dreams. i hope i'm not too late to chase that eternal dream, the one I know will come true.

life

Because you were born into this world to unlock every secret of life. So that you will be among those who will get husnul khotimah.
Live on this world as if you are a traveler eh?

There is more to life than life. trying to tick very boxes there are in your dream list.

what is the essence of being alive now?