life

Because you were born into this world to unlock every secret of life. So that you will be among those who will get husnul khotimah.
Live on this world as if you are a traveler eh?

There is more to life than life. trying to tick very boxes there are in your dream list.

what is the essence of being alive now?

yang menyayangi

salam warahmatullah.

Biiznillah dipanjangkan lagi detik hidup untuk terus menghirup udaraNya, menyaksikan hebatnya alam buatanNya dan in sha allah, masih terpilih untuk berada di jalanNya.

suatu nikmat yang tak terhingga apabila Dia terus menerus memasukkan kita dalam kalangan orang yang sibuk mencari cintaNya, menangis secara tetiba (that is a nikmat, trust me) apabila Allah izinkan suatu perasaan yang tak boleh digambarkan, cuma boleh dirasakan, bila mana kasih sayang Allah datang menyerpa di hati. 

p/s: before i go on, i pray that Allah still gives me the ni'mat untuk memaknai setiap perkataan yang akan ditulis. 

sangat normal la bila kecik2 dlu, masa yang paling banyak kena marah sebab kita belajar melalui kesalahan most of the times. and we still do. mistakes can be the greatest lesson. bila dah habis kena marah, secara langsungnya, we learned not to repeat the same mistakes again. Rasulullah saw pun bersabda, "seorang mukmin tidak boleh jatuh dua kali ke dalam lubang yang sama (HR Muslim)". 

Tapi Allah, has His own way of teaching us what can and cannot be done throughout our journey in this mere resting place. This is what I felt at least.

Allah build us into what we are dengan kasih sayang. dakwah ni pun dengan kasih sayang. 

rasa macam tak memaknai lagi sepenuhnya Allah ar-rahman. 

kalau dgn parents or anyone else, selepas berkali2 dimarahi, mungkin dipukul waktu kecik2 dulu, then you learned the lesson: 'do not repeat this, or mummy & daddy will be angry'. 

but with Allah, baru nampak kepentingan berdoa dan untuk terus minta Dia guide supaya nampak antara kebenaran dan kebatilan. tambah2 lagi masa sekarang yang memang fitnah is everywhere, tak tahu macam mana nak bezakan antara yang baik dan buruk. bahaya kot. 

selalu kena mintak dgn Allah tunjukkan yang betul tu dgn kasih sayang Dia. open the door of forgiveness, and show me, 'what do I have to do now , Allah ? which road should I take?' bila mana buntu yang tersangatlah buntu. dan bila mana kita dah incline ke arah yg sangat Allah tak suka tapi kita suka, mintak supaya kuat untuk ikut dgn apa yang Allah nak sebab we believe, believe that Allah knows best, neraca Allah yang paling betul. 

haish hebat sgt lah Allah. bila dh tenggelam dalam lumpur yg hina, then Allah tarik balik kita ke permukaan untuk bernafas balik, rasa sangat disayangi , rasa.... SAFE. fitrah manusia kot untuk merasakan diri ini dilindungi. and Allah provide that safety. it took me long enough to realise this hehs 

Biiznillah

Biiznillah.

Dari dulu hingga sekarang,
Tiada daya dan kuasa melainkan Dari Allah semata.
Nak bangun pun kena minta tolong Dia.
With this intricately designed storage system, i seriously don't know how much info can be put at one time.
Tapi yang meluaskan itu, Dia.
Melapangkan dada dan membersihkan hati sampai tak de lagi benda2 yang boleh menjadi penghalang antara Dia dan saya.

DI minta sangat2, dengan masa yang akan diperoleh balik nanti, DI gunakan untuk ummah. Na'uzubillah, bukan untuk diri sendiri. Sebab dah berlalu masa tidurku

Ticking clock

When you have all the time in the world, you forget that you can do many things within that given time.
When you have so little time, you're able to finish everything in that tiny amount of time.
Aneh kan?

That is how people work.
Dan DI rasa Allah bagi responsibilities yang sangat banyak sebab nak suruh kita buat kerja. At least, we are doing something.

Sebab rehat seorang daie tu tiada tempat melainkan di sorga- quoted.

Dengan segala kekuatan yang Allah beri, gunakan untuk ummah.

Jaga saya

Ihsan. Dah lama tak buat ye, DI?

Banyaknya hak orang2 yang tak tertunai lagi. Kalau betul2 ihsan, tak akan ketepikan pun hak2 diorang. Sebab ihsan. Sebab buat memang untuk Allah.

I think i'm at a point where i have become too indulged in my own world, trying to correct what is outside of me, reaching for people that are far away but inside, i am afraid that i have become...empty. 

For what am i doing what i am currently doing? Is it because everyone is doing it? I am scared that i am doing all this ,for nothing. Absolutely nothing. Just to fill that feeling of do ing something right but actually, i am doing it for nothing. 

I have so many things that i have to do, i can barely breathe. Trying to do everything, on my own. Taking care of myself, ignoring others. Trying to love, but pushing myself away from being loved. Being cared for. Because i cannot handle it. I just.dont.know.why.

I am trying to be strong. But it became wrong when i do it because of me. I cannot cry anymore, not as much as i used to. 

What i say, i don't mean. What i read, i don't feel. 

Deep down, just deep down, i am not as strong . 

Because i can't run from the fact that i need You.

I am just a servant. Hamba yang masih mencari kekuatan itu, Allah.

I think i just need to hold on. A little bit longer. Sebab ihsan. Sebab Allah tgk and Allah jaga.

Allah ada. Untuk jaga.

Untuk nak meminta maaf, please. That is not me

Tapi disebabkan Allah, dgn serendah-rendah ego yang aku boleh turunkan,
Aku minta maaf.

You won't have to bear with me any longer, insyaAllah.
Because i did not take care of what Allah has given me. And i know Allah will take that away from me not too long after this.

Allah, forgive me for I have done wrong. Especially to others.
Forgive me because i thought i have managed to overcome all the obstacles thrown to me.

Moulding

Kerana dakwah ni jalan yang panjang.
Kerana kerja ini bukanlah imbalannya dapat serta-merta 
Kerana yang ku harapkan ialah redha Allah semata.

Ya rabb,
How hard it is to mould a heart, only You know!
But then again, only You that can give them hidayah.
Sometimes it is just so ... Hard. To keep going. To keep giving when you know that they don'T even want to be given.
This morning when i woke up, i just felt like giving up.
Why should i work so hard for something that i couldn't see the result of?

But
I remembered how You made their hearts close to mine. How their talks, their smiles made me such a happy and blessed person for the whole day!
Maybe this is what it feels like to have someone you love so dearly, to have that chance of knowing You as well!

Ya rabb,
Make my heart steadfast.
Give me that iradah qawiyah.
If this was not for the sake of You, i would have left. Because it takes so much effort just to keep praying and hoping.
But then again, have you tried enough, DI? Rasulullah knocked on 100 tents before he eventually came to one that would accept islam. And yet, you are only knocking on what, 2nd or 3rd tents only?

May Allah make me steadfast.