Hate but Love

Everytime I'm home, I'm happy.That's normal right?
But at the same time, I feel scared. ashamed of myself. Why? Because I'm always lost in this godforsaken world of entertainment, being blinded by the loud musics, watching endless astro channels and lots more.
I hate it but I didn't stop myself from enjoying it.
A sister at the usrah once advised us not to just continue what we do in kmb only in kmb, but to keep our iman stronger once we're outside kmb. That's my biggest problem. There's no doubt that our iman will always has its ups and downs but its our responsibility not to let it go down too much and to control our iman.
It is hard for me. My prayer gets distracted, my remembrance of Allah is fading away little by little. The time I spent reading God's love letters becoming less and less.
And my mind, OMG, is thinking of stupid stupid things that makes me feel like I'm not that different than those people who does immoral things. I hate it.