Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Pandangan

If there is one thing I don't like the most, its when a person holding a grudge on me for some reason which I don't even know.

The way they stare, the way that says "i don't wanna look at you", everything they do that simply holds a statement: you're not in my friend-list.

Ok.

I notice things even to the tiniest detail. but then again, maybe I'm wrong. maybe my interpretation was wrong. maybe that person simply had a bad day and I happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time.
Is it my fault then? you tell me.

I could look at it that way or i can look at it as a tarbiyyah that Allah wants to give me.
Who do I care the most?
Is it how YOU look at ME?
or how I look like to HIM?

which one is more important?
One thing I learned: you will get tired trying to live up to a standard that humans set for u. but when it comes to Allah, you are trying to be the best that you can be. and u don't know what the limit is which will push u towards becoming the ideal muslim that u can be.

isn't that our goal, brothers n sisters?
innallaha ma'ana.
don't be sad because Allah is watching over us and He knows which one of us is doing what He wants. the main thing, do it for Him, not for anyone else. live up to His expectation because He is The Best :)

Thursday, February 23, 2012

a roller coaster

iman is fluctuating.
and now it is at its lowest.
a roller coaster ride, dats it.

but Allah knows all dat. He's the one who gives me life. like a mother having an intuition about her daughter needing her the most at one particular time, Allah is much more than that.
He knows what i need, and i don't even hav to say it out loud. an intuition? not at all. its called love.
even when i seek a person to tell me the solution to a problem i'm having, He gives it straight away without having me telling Him.

He gives it through the words of a sister. a companion whom I have missed for so long :')
even hundreds n thousands of miles separating us, Allah is the one who makes the impossible, becomes possible.

When we realised that we r not strong anymore, seek HELP.
don't pull back.
never, ever QUIT.
its not in my dictionary, its not in urs.

see it as a way for Allah to clean our hearts. our hearts, which we have left it untouched with Allah's love for so long.
Allah is telling me to clean it. properly this time.

celupkan saya dalam iman. 

Sunday, February 19, 2012

break

DI sangat2 rindu kt akak2 yg sekarang tgh bertungkus lumus menggalas tnggungjawab, melakukan sunnah terbesar Rasulullah..
semalam, xtau kenapa tp rsa nak nangis. but don't know who d right person was for me to cry on. mayb sisters, mayb usrahmate yg comel2, myb my classmates.
but even to my surprise, DI ternangis kt bahu murabbi DI :') bila org cakap kita nie berukhuwah kerana Allah, dengan org yg kita xrapat or xtau pun background dia sgt compared to our bestfriends whom we have known all our lives pun boleh menjadi tempat mengadu yang sgt best.

why I feel sad? because as a human being, i can never escape from doing sins. ad je masa DI rasa, this is not for me. why can't I be like everyone else in the world with the title 'Muslim' who just focuses on her or himself? Jalan ini sangat panjang. panjang sampai xtahu mampu ke DI utk tsabat dlm jalan ni.
Kadang2 rasa nak take a break.

boleh ke?

kalau letak tangan atas lilin yg menyala pun xmampu, inikan pula kalau kena roast alive mcm Ka'ab b Malik, Sahabat yang sgt hebat, yang seriously, all his heart and soul is for Allah. only for the Ultimate One.

nie nak jalan yang senang. sedangkan Rasulullah kena baling batu bertubi-tubi sampai kaki berdarah dlm kasut, kita nie semua org dh Islam dh pun, cuma nak bawak diorg closer to Allah je. fill their hearts with His love, the infinite love. not the sort of love we all looking for right now in this dunia.

medan kita nie jauh lebih senang. memang, ad je masa kita rsa 'enough is enough.' tapi, rasakan lah, ad je hands  kat blakang kita yg push us back up bila mana kita tersadai. pelukan diorg, tangisan diorg, just a smile from them is enough to remind me that this is the right one. the right path. the journey i wanna be on. so that i'll be able to say, "yes, its true i stumbled along the way. not once, nor twice.but dozens of times. but You still love me. You helped me find my way back."

rugi x kita kalau kita nak jadi golongan minoriti? bila kita nak jadi org yg biasa2 je? yg xnak pun buat apa yg Allah suruh, just buat sekadar yg wajib je? padahal,

"apa yang ada di langit dan di bumi bertasbih kepada Allah..."
(61:1)

the whole universe is praising Him, making Him the ultimate goal in this life. xnak ke kita jadi dalam kalangan yang Allah sayang sgt2, cinta sgt2, rindu sgt2? 
Dia sangat cinta kat kita nie, yang slalu je buat dosa, yang selalu doubt Dia. when we say we have faith in Him, do we? do we trust Him with our lives? 
do I? 

sayangnye DI selalu xperasan benda tu. cari jauh2 sedangkan Dia ad je selalu. xpernah walau sesaat pun xtgk kita. 


Wednesday, February 8, 2012

I'm not like you

we always compare ourselves with other people. 
selalu anggap diri kita jauh lebih elok dari orang lain.
everyone is so small compared to us.

astaghfirullah.

yang menciptakan mati dan hidup, untuk menguji kamu, siapa di antara kamu yang lebih baik amalnya. Dan Dia Mahaperkasa, Maha Bijaksana
(67:2)


dia xbuat solat sunat, aku buat.
dia xbaca mathurat ramai2, aku buat.
dia xbaca quran lebih 5 pages sehari.

dan macam2 lagi yang timbul di benak fikiran.

padahal Allah x tgk pun jumlah. Allah tekankan quality. Allah kata : lebih baik amalnya. not lebih banyak amalnya.
 
*dush* *dush3x* diketuk di kepala dengan ayat di atas. x abes2 nak membandingkan amal yang seciput berbanding dgn orang2 yg lebih hebat, ber kali2x ganda awesomeness nye. subhanallah, tabik spring kt diorang. 

siapa yang lebih tahu akan hambaNya, selain Dia rite?
who are we to say that we have done our best? who are we to say that all we've done is enough?

Katakanlah (Muhammad). "Apakah perlu Kami beritahukan kepadamu tentang orang yang paling rugi perbuatannya?
iaitu orang yang sia-sia perbuatannya dalam kehidupan dunia, sedangkan mereka mengira telah berbuat sebaik-baiknya.
(18:103-104)

OMG. ayat nie lagi laaaa menikam qalbu.dihighlight 'rugi' di situ. paling rugi pulak tu. 
menangis cm nie. 

kau tak buat sehabis baik lagi la.
serius belum. 
boleh ke nak claim diri DI nie dah cukup baik, cream of the cream kalau selalu pentingkan diri? xnak ajak orang lain mencari cinta Allah jugak?
nak ke pimpin invisible hands masuk syurga?

refleksi diri yang cukup membuatkan DI tertunduk malu. sungguh. malu.


Friday, February 3, 2012

+ -

Sometimes He helps us by giving us what we really3x need the most. and sometimes He helps us by giving what we least expected to get. and through that, He made us what we are right now.

He tests me both ways.
He made my Individual Oral Presentation went very smoothly (well, at least that's what I think. alhamdulillah :D) 
and then, he made my journey back home went very roughly.

two in one eh? 

But thanks to Him also,
Inna ma'al 'usri yusra
Verily, when there are difficulties, there are relief
(94:6)

Allah ulang dua kali kot. Twice, He said whenever u face difficulties, for sure there will also be a way to overcome it. and peganglah dengan ayat nie. for He sure sends His help in ways u can never think of. 

and He did just that to me.

I'm the type of person who always goes by the book. and when told that we can't go home on Thursday (even when there's no class on Friday), that was it. ticket flight was on Thursday 19:50.
what to do.what to do.what to do.
i've been worrying myself about this for the whole Thursday. trying to find ways to go home.
i can't go by taxi alone, too dangerous.
nak tumpang kawan, sama2 takut nak keluar.
n macam2 lagi la.

Sungguh, usahamu memang beraneka macam
(92:4)

Tepat sekali. macam2 pikir nak buat.
risau smpai kawan pun naik risau. and what dear friends i hav :')
Allah sends His help through my sisters, who lend their hands to me.
At last, a sis whom i barely knew b4 this, came down to KMB straight after work to pick me up and send me off to lcct.
apa connection kiteorg ad b4 this? only one. kami berkasih sayang kerana Dia. and because we're together in this path, sgtla x pelik mcm mna seorg akhawat yg x ad persamaan langsung melainkan kiteorg ad Dia, snggup bergegas semata-mata nak amek DI.

subhanallah. how His love can tie us together.
jazakillahu khairan kathira sis for ur help.

betapa untungnya berkasih sayang kerana Dia!