DIa je yg tahu

Ya Allah

Tie our hearts together

Russia.Malaysia.Japan.USA.Ireland.UK

Dan Dialah yang mempersatukan hati-hati kami

We don't aim for this world only.we aim Paradise.

Nak duduk ngn korg kt sana.

Dia je yg tau how much I missed all of u

rugi kalau sekadar pergi

Berjalan dengan penuh senyum
Bermusafir dgn penuh syukur.

Seriously, its been a while now. jalan tu jalan. tapi sekadar taking snapshots here n there, xbertambah pon iman.

Berjalan tanpa bawa hati yg bersih pon tak jadi jugak. patutlah byk je ckp, rugilah kalau sekadar pegi.

rugilah kalau sekadar pergi.

Minta sgt2, Allah. I ask u to give me that taste of syukur. pergi bukan sekadar berjalan. but with You every step of the way.

Musafir. doa banyak2.

best comfort

I was wrong.
It was never wrong to cry.

Tapi make sure, to Him we cry sbb the best comfort comes from Him.

Hasbunallahu wa nia'mal wakil

baru nak realise.

there's so many things to do yet so little efforts have been made. as i was walking home from class d other day, DI perhatikan kaki DI. hmmmm bestnya berjalan, berlari, berbasikal.with these two legs i cud have done so much more.

with these two legs, i could have run that extra mile.

n bru sedar sume two when Allah takes them back.nikmat yg sebelum nie masyaallah , xpernah tpandang pon die sbg nikmat. i took it for granted. bukan sekadar kaki je, anything.

memang sunnatullah ke manusia nie nak sibuk2 kembali to their Lord once sumthing is taken away from them? when they realised everything they have is actually being lend to them?

jatuh tersungkur di situ.

baru nk appreciate. mntak Allah sihatkn balik tubuh badan, bagi pinjam anggota2 nie a little bit longer.

haish. sedih je tengok. diri sendiri.

kuat

A simple thank You :')

For everything.
For the past, present, and what will come.

We plan. Allah plans. And for sure, He is the best planner.

Kuat!

diuji

Kalau lah ad satu benda DI nak improve, DI tak nak terasa dengan kata2 org.

Sakit bila dengar org ckp tu, ckp nie. psl kita sendiri.

Tapi xpe, sbb Allah bagi ganjaran yg sgt besar utk org2 yg sabar. sbb Allah tahu susah, susah nak bersabar.

Sabar dgn kata2 org.

Xpe. Maybe org tue xsedar pon apa yg dia cakap. maybe dia igt kita xakn terasa pon dgn kata2 cmtu. maybe it was only a joke.

A joke. that's all it was.
 Nothing more.

Tetapi barang siapa bersabar dan memafkan, sungguh yang demikian itu termasuk perbuatan yang mulia 

(42:43)

First time jumpa ayat nie :') 

Sesungguhnya al-quran tu dah lengkap-selengkapnya. 

Pasal nie pon Allah boleh pujuk DI.

Nak bandingkan dengan kata2 org kafir kt Rasulullah, sungguh DI x mampu nak face d same situation. So, sabar je DI. 

We're all in

Pelik ke kita kalau xambil berat psl adik2 kita?
Pelik ke kita kalau xkesah sgt pon dkt mak,ayah, atuk, nenek etc?

Pelik ke kita kalau xpeduli psl saudara seakidah kita?

Pelik.

Saudara seislam.

"haaa...td F ajak g solidarity protest utk GAZA kat city centre. nak join x? pkul 7 japgi.."

Sungguh, Allah is the best planner. kata nak involve sgt, amek kau.
Bila semua org nak g, DI pon turut ikut pegi.

"jom, perbetulkn niat kenapa nak g nie," berkata seorg sahabat.

Sungguh, niat dan hati sentiasa berbolak balik. Allah je yg tau apa dlm hati.
Naik bus. memenuhkan bus itu dgn sisters.
Sampai di satu simpang, penuh dgn polis. Is it because of the protest? betul nie nak g?

Tapi sungguh, Allah is the best planner.
dan Dia yg pegang hati2 ini. dan Dia tahu apa yg kita perlu.

Perasaan bila nampak bendera palestin di tgh2 khalayak ramai yg majoritinye org Putih?
Sungguh, it was surreal.

Kalau tanya DI kenapa pegi, reason DI : Kalau Allah tanya nanti, wats your contribution towards your muslim brothers and sisters?
I was there to show that I care.

Tapi bila fikir balik, cukup ke dgn sekadar menghadirkan diri kt tempat org berkumpul? ada sorg sahabt nie ckp, dia still rasa helpless sgt even though we were standing beside those people who cares about Palestine.

Bagi DI, kita buat je. Buat je SEHABIS BAIK. SEDAYA UPAYA. sebab Allah tgk setiap usaha, no matter how little it is. But never be satisfied with what we have done. Do more, speak less.

Reward them Your jannah, Allah.

setakat ni je

That push.
Allah, where's that push?

I just need one little push.
And I need to wake up now. from this comfort.
lamanya xrasa susah tu. padahal org lain tgh struggle gile2 kot.
rehat seorg da'ie tu kt syurga.

Nak syurga. tapi ad ke peluh tue? where's ur proof that u r trying ur hardest in everything that you do?
Semua benda buat as ibadah. So that Allah counts it as ibadah. So that Allah sees.

Allah, DI tgh cuba nie. tgh nak bgn dr tidur. dh cukup dh tidur.
dah cukup rasa selesa.
xnk dah.


 

Look hard enough

yesterday.was.awesome.

Macam biasa. melangkah ke Belfast Islamic Centre (BIC) utk kelas budak2 Somalia. First time from all those times yg betul2 rasa, Ya Allah bestnye mengajar diorg. xajar byk pon. tapi yg membuatkn hati ni rasa berbunga dan berpuas hati adalah anggukan kanak2 kecil tu. bukan sekadar mengajar. tapi membantu utk faham. sekadar anggukan dan senyuman diorg bila dapat jawab satu soalan without any help from us, its enough for this heart to melt :)

Dan Allah tambah lagi perasaan best tue.
Selesai sudah kelas, beberapa makcik2 orang putih masuk ke tmpt solat wanita. pakai tudung. okayyyy...terkesima sedikit sbb first time nmpak, selalunya yg datang solat makcik2 arab,turkey,somalia u name it. dr serata dunia.
then, the conversation started.
"assalamualaikum. where are you from?" slh seorg dr kami bertanya kpd dua mkcik yg dduk ats kerusi kt tepi.
"wa'alaikumussalam wrhmatullah. We're from Belfast." Hah. mesmerized. bukan selalu dpt tgk org local yg Muslim. muka dah menunjukkan betapa terujanya DI.
"we're here for the halaqah." wow. halaqah. usrah.
definitely mesmerized.
Rupa-rupanya diorg mmg ad halaqah every week utk org2 yg interested dgn Islam. and one of them said, "insyaAllah, there'll be two girls whom we hope will say the shahadah soon."
ok, tak tau nak guna word ap utk nk menggambarkn muka kiteorg waktu tue :)

Hebatnya makcik2 tu. Betul2 buat apa yg Rasulullah suruh kita buat. ajak org betul2 ke Islam. n they hold on to their faith. absolutely no grey areas.
They said the halaqah is for those who have any questions about Islam, and with the guidance of a brother at BIC, they try their best to give the answers.
Reflect balik kat DI.
sepanjang dduk kt sini, banyak kali je org tanya this n that. all those questions. said their views. tp DI tak berusaha pon nak stand with my beliefs. baru tau betapa susahnya. nie DI. Muslim all my life. but yet know so little.

Satu ayat from my housemate- "bestnye..Islam tu ada kat mana2 je."
Memang. Its us who never look hard enough. nampak diri sendiri je asing. but we are never alone. Be it in Ireland, UK, US, Aussie. bukan focus kt malaysian. no. we're brothers and sisters, tak kira kulit. sgt2 terharu tgk variety of people, tak serupa tapi sujud kt Allah. the same God.

May Allah bless all the work that the sisters are doing :)

its not you, its me

Its not that I don't care.
Its not that I don't mind you.
It's not that you're not important to me.

Demi Allah, DI syg sgt2 kat awk.
cuma...
even if this mouth is not asking u if ure ok, do not think that I'm not worried about how u r.
even if this face looks like 'i don't give a fuss about u', please, don't fall for it.

The closer u r to me, the more difficult it is.
I just don't know HOW.

HOW to ask , "are u ok?"
because the one thing i can't stand is listening to u saying, "i'm fine" when the whole world knows ure not.

Allah, please tell this person whom I love because of You, that I do worry. worry so much. but the words are just so hard to say.

Allah, please make it all better. Know that u r in my prayer.

Dekat

When you've got more than you could ever asked for, you seem to appreciate less.
Betul?

That blissful feeling! Of just walking home from the library while everyone else busy celebrating Eid at the student centre because of an important group discussion.
Maybe He wants me to take a different route yesterday evening, just simply to spend time, talking to Him. mula2 ad jugak perasaan, mesti orang pandang pelik dengan baju kurungnya, smbil senyum sorg2. seriously, dah lama xsenyum sorg2 :) and that smile was simply because of Him.

Nonetheless, sambil pakai earphone, I walked down the road, passing all those strangers yang kesianny x dapat nak bersyukur dgn nikmat yg kita dapat sbb xkenal Allah who is d provider of everything.

Just a moment with Him is enough. To say thank you and truly feel blessed you are where you're at now.
 Every now and then, we forget. But He's not just around the corner. He's closer to us than we think.

"...Dan kami lebih dekat kepadanya dari urat lehernya."

(50:16)

We can stay up half the night to talk to our loved ones who are far away from us, I bet we can spend more time talking to Him than anyone else in the world.

 p/s: am trying hard to do it + not to forget to do it

Guide

"and Allah found you lost, and guided you."

(93:7)

Simple ayat. but masyaAllah, its meaningful. sangat3.
akan sampai satu saat, kita terlalu leka dgn keseronokan yg Allah bagi, ujian kehiburan dgn apa yg ada disekeliling kita.
sampaikan DI lupa, nak mintak kat Allah bila sampai waktu dalam kesusahan. we're so used to have evrything right in front of us. masa kesusahan tu dh berlalu. semua yg dpn mata, semuanya best2 belaka. sampaikan tak nampak tu satu ujian.
where's that moment when u turn around and there was nobody to talk to? or when ure at the end of the road, not knowing what to do, where to turn to?
who gave you the light at the end of the tunnel?

Us. who are always lost. bagaikan org buta yang selalu je kena pimpin. sedar yg diri dipimpin. tapi sayang sbb xsedar sape sbnrny yg tgh memimpin.

Right at this moment, hold my hand and guide me

saya bangga

riak ke kalau kita bangga dgn diri sendiri?
kalau bangga dgn Islam mcm mana? of course there's a word for it.
Adakah anda IZZAH dgn Islam yg anda bawa skg nie? walau di mana jua anda berada? do people see Islam in you? How do YOU potray Islam to them?

takut kan kalau disebabkan kita, Islam tu dipandang serong. apa yang kita dah buat sebenarnya?
Ya Allah, seriously, living for a few weeks dah kt sini memang terasa benda tue. rasa yang "kau kena tunjuk Islam nie hebat. kata syumul. so make it syumul!" agak terasa berat disitu err..

first couple of days at medic school, serius, mmg terasa asing. kata nak jadi ghuraba. amek kau. but yeah, i felt it. sebab dah ad cop kat tudung en..hehe. but its alright. i'm proud of it. at least my hair won't dry fast (theory sendiri di situ)
imagine ure in a new school, don't know anyone there apart from a person who was also new. everyone has their own gang, and u just didn't seem to fit in into any of that group. sedih kan perasaan tu. rasa cm lonely nyeeee kt dunia nie. rasanya semua org pernah melalui benda ni. whether in ur primary or secondary or even when u enrolled into a college. nobody knows u and whats worst, nobody even seems to care.

tapi kan, Allah tu sgt lah baik. and even though there was a feeling, it was something that came up in my mind only for a split second that feeling, rasa mcm "aku ni different, sbb tu org treat aku different. why does it have to be me? nie mesti pasal tudung"(even u know this stuff is basic, tapi still xterlepas dr bisikan syaitan untuk pikir mcm tu), Allah bagi Harun kt DI to say that 'ure not alone.'
dannnn hari tu ada la sorg kawan yg dduk kt England nie, my best friend, tiba2 tulis kt DI :

So now you're in Belfast, I was thinking of trying to visit you at Easter :) Xmas would be too expensive :( xx

 nak katanya, even though people around u looked down at you (well, at least I think they do by their faces) or doesn't wanna talk to you, ad je manusia2 yg Allah letak kat serata dunia yang masih ada untuk comfortkan kita. yang kita tak terpikir pon ingat lagi kt kita. dis friend i haven't seen her in nearly 7 years :) ad je yang sanggup bersusah payah untuk kita.

and to remind you n i, kalau bukan kerana Allah yang hantarkn diorg untuk kita, who else? dan Dia xbuat semua tue kalau Dia nak kita hidup kt bumi Allah nie sorg2..

atas tu just selingan :) the main point is that
kenapa org sekeliling pandang kita cmtu in the first place? maybe we don't hav d chance yet to show them we're just as good as them in every way tapi Allah pilih kita untuk jadi Muslim, untuk bawa Islam kat tempat orang. patutke kita rasa "tudung nie ke yang problemo"

weh, istighfar.

kita sendiri yg tanam fikiran cmtu kt diri sendiri! *menangis*

Allah bagi nikmat kepandaian, nikmat kesenangan dapat duit mara yg banyak etc2 so sekarang nie up to us on how do we use the nikmat so that Islam tu dipandang tinggi :) Islam is rising and what are our contribution so far? nak dduk dkt sideline je ke and once Islam is at the top baru nk rush in masuk dalam Islam secara total? 

ps: ad ayat nie DI nak share tapi tu lah, mayb Allah xbg DI jumpa sbb nk reflect dh lama mana DI xtgk ayat2 Dia..sedih. berkaitan dgn atas nie so kalau sape2 tau, mohon share :)

more of a reminder

berlapang dada.
berbaik sangka.

agak susah tapi bukan xboleh achieve. tengok kiri kanan macam2 kita pikir. tengok benda2 yg jadi dkt diri sendiri pun, mcm2 sangkaan buruk tu. mulut berkumat kamit, bukan memuji Dia tapi dilepas pulak kata2 kesat. ntah betul ntah tidak org yg dikatakan melakukan kesalahan tu.

husnuzon, DI ye.
kalau lepas hujan pon Allah bagi pelangi, nie apatah lagi hamba Dia yang khilaf tapi sangat Dia kasihi, mesti ad je plan Dia tu.

menadah tangan

"Dah bersyukur dah hari nie?" satu soalan yang DI begitu ambil mudah bila kerap ditanya oleh seorang sahabat nie dulu.

ye la, cm mesti la bersyukur. syukur kepada Tuhan. ada apa pada syukur? bukan mmg manusia ni mmg patut bersyukur ke?

DI tiba2 teringat pasal soalan tu malam nie. td masa tgh belek2 photos kt fb dr zaman dahulu kala lagi, timbul satu perasaan yang, Ya Allah. aku sangat2 lah nak bersyukur kt Engkau pada saat nie. at this moment, i am so thankful to You. dan bersyukur Ya Allah masih diberi peluang untuk tadah tangan untuk bersyukur, bukan kat sape2. tapi kat Engkau Ya Allah.

from all those pictures, i can see that Allah is always there. with me. Dia letak org2 yg sgt2 baik kt keliling DI, Dia bagi org yg DI xpernah imagine boleh jumpa. Dia bagi satu perjalanan hidup yang sangat2 best. and i'm thankful because of that. 

from god knows what we used to be like, bersyukur lah sbb dari banyak2 org kt dunia ni, Allah sepcifically pick u out from the crowd to be one of those who still are thankful to Him. nikmatnya bersyukur tu sbb dari situ lah, Allah wujudkn kasih sayang untuk Dia. bukan utk sape2. Untuk Dia je :)

Kalau Allah bagi nikmat menangis, bersyukur la. sbb bukan semua yg boleh menangis untuk Dia. bukan utk sape2. sbb kita menangis, Dia yang dengar. Dia yg pujuk.

dan kalau Allah bagi nikmat menjadi org yang kecik, so bersyukur la. sbb bukan semua yg boleh muat baju saiz kanak2.

apa lagi...banyak sgt nikmat. smpai x tertulis kt sini.

Maka nikmat Tuhanmu yang manakah yang kamu dustakan?

Dulu xphm sgt pon apa yang Allah nak bagitau from this one ayat. n Allah has repeated it so many times in this one surah. dan DI sangat2 bersyukur sbb Allah bagi kefahaman utk nk fhm ayat ni betul2. 

Tak terhitung nikmat Dia, tp dgn tu jgk tak terhitung berapa kali kita x bersyukur. 

to be able to sit in a room with two wonderful housemates in a country that i wouldn't hav imagine to set foot in, DI bersyukur. 

to be able to realise all of this, DI sangat3 bersyukur. even when it took me one litre of tears to get through all of this, i'm thankful. 

hanya Allah saje yg tau betapa DI miss that quiet moment at night, just to talk.cry.whine.whatever.but yeah, i miss it. nak bagitau i'm thankful. that's all :)

your fault

u would think people know u. at least those who hav known u for quite some time. sedih when u thought they knew how u were but they still think u wud do such thing. n now u r upset.

TAPI xke salah diri sendiri bila org still treat kita d same walaupun kita rasa kita dah byk berubah? change for the better. nampak sgt kita xberusaha sehabis baik pon utk nak potraykan diri ini as what u shud b, a changed person who wants to correct their past mistakes. 

dan bila org still treat kita mcm org yg xpernah ditarbiyah mmg salah diri la. sape suro x firm dgn stand sendiri? sepatutnya smpaikan org bleh bezakan apa yang boleh n xboleh buat dgn kita. as much as we want to be a part of sumthing, we luv what we hold on to more. and that is Him

safe

Best kan rasa ada org yg selalu jaga n tak pernah tinggalkan kita..
That's what I felt during my stay in KL just before Eid.
Alhamdulillah, rasa dipermudahkn yang belum DI rasa sebelum nie.
Tambah2 lagi, the night I took the bus home from Shah Alam. Dah la takde sape2 pon balik sekali, sbb selaluny mesti ada at least 2 3 org jugak la yg balik sekali msa still kt kmb dulu.
Dan ada jugak beberapa detik when I felt like it was going to be my last journey home. Ada..seriously. dah la nak raya. accidents happen. ngeri je baca newspaper kemalangan2 di jalan raya :'(

Alhamdulillah, dipermudahkn dapat tiket balik even though its like 2 or 3 days more before raya even though i had to pay extra for the ticket. no surprise.
So, there I was waiting for the bus at the station and out of nowhere, someone who used to know greeted me. Back then, I still thought it was a coincidence.
it turned out, she was going on the same bus with me. ok, coincidence.
Mula2 naik satu bas ni, dah dpt tempat dduk. single pulak tu. sengih sorg2. tiba2, bus driver kata "awk bas satu lagi. bas tambahan." hilang sengih di muka.
turun laa bawak beg yang agk berat tu, and wait. Another coincidence, the first bus I had to get off from has 3 spaces left. "adik nak balik cepat tak?"
Mestila pakcik driver oii..ok, so up I went again on the bus. and this time, I got a seat next to that person who I used to know. Not some guy, Not a pakcik. But a girl who I used to know :)

Disebabkan dkt tiket tulis straight to my hometown, so DI relax jela atas bas tu sbb ingatkan most of the people on the bus is going to the same destination. Ada la brape stop pkcik bus buat, alor star, jitra etc. Tengah sedap2 tidur, DI dikejutkan oleh pkcik driver. "Turun kat ....... ka?" Angguk dua kali. I was half asleep at that time. Gaya nak terlelap balik, pap! terus bangun tengok depan belakang. the bus was empty. except for thegirl who I used to know and myself. and it was another half and hour before I reache
Hati masa tu hanya Allah saje yang tau how my heartbeat suddenly increases. adrenaline rush.
Masa tu, Allah berjaya buat hati DI sangat2 tersentuh. Allah jaga DI. Allah bagi the girl who I used to know to keep me company. He kept me company through her. He kept me safe with her.

Come to think of it, anything can happen. If I got another date for the bus ticket, I could be going home alone. or what if d girl who i used to know got on another bus atanother bus station. so many what ifs.

safe is only felt when i'm around those people who i know will take care.of.me. safe is only felt when i know i won't get hurt because there's people who i know will watch.over me.

but i know, even when i'm in the middle of nowhere, Allah is always watching. watching ovwr me. keeping me company. keeping me safe. even if there's not a person in sight.

Being safe is guaranteed when u have Him by ur side. i'll b alright insyaallah :)

Yang baru

I really do hope I'm ready.
Bersedia nak minta hati yang baru.
hati yang walaupun dah ada banyak tanda-tanda hitam, minta sangat boleh dibersihkan.


Agar hati tak mati berkali-kali.

 

sebatang pokok kurma

Kelmarin, ketika sedang sibuk2 bergegas ke sana sini bawak plastik bag yg tak kurang banyakny, dan takut ketinggalan LRT, sahabat DI menarik tangan DI untuk berhenti seketika di tepi laluan.

a man, one arm missing was holding boxes of tissues in his bags was sitting on a piece of cloth, wearing a worn-me-down clothes. beside him was a sign "4 bungkus tisu RM1.00".

A              :Pakcik, nak beli tisu. tapi nak amik dua je

Pakcik      :tapi 4 seringgit adik. amik la 4

A              :eh, takpe.

                  (sambil memandang ke arah DI) bell, ad duit pecah tak?

DI             :xde, 5 ringgit je.

A              :ok. bagi 5 ringgit tu

pakcik tu segera mencari duit baki dalam poket guna tangan kanan dia. 

A             :eh, pakcik. takpe2. amik je 5 ringgit nie pakcik (smbil muka tersengih).

                 buat pakcik nak bukak pose nanti hehe

Pakcik     :terima kasih, dik. semoga Allah membalas kebaikan adik

A and DI :senyum...

bila teringat balik, rasa cam wahhhhh n terharu at the same time. kagum dgn seorg lelaki yang kurang sempurna fizikalnya tapi masih memerahkan keringat di bulan ramdhan yang penuh barakah ni utk bekerja. yup, bekerja mencari rezeki yang halal. 

boleh je kalau pakcik nak letak bekas kt depan dia and mengharapkan orang yang lalu lalang utk bersedekah. boleh je.

tapi dia pilih utk buat perniagaan so that dua2, pembeli dan penjual dapat manfaat dia. orang bleh dpt tisu, dia boleh dpt duit.

mmg la bersedekah dapat pahala tp kan, pakcik tu sgt2 la berusaha utk mencari rezeki. 

one of my favourite ayat in the quran:

Dan goyanglah pangkal pohon kurma itu ke arahmu, nescaya (pohon) itu akan menggugurkan buah kurma yang masak kepadamu

(19:25)

Waktu Maryam nak melahirkan nabi Isa a.s, hanya Allah je la yang tahu macam mana sakitnya seorang ibu nak give birth. subhanallah, i salute all the mothers out there :)

bayangkan la, dah la tgh sarat mengandung tunggu masa je nak lahir, tapi Allah kata kat Maryam, "goyanglah..." Goyangkan pokok kurma yg batang dia boleh tahan jugak besarny. 

Dalam erti kata lain, Allah nak Maryam berusaha jugak utk dapatkn makanan untuk dia dalam keadaan yang genting tu. boleh je Allah appearkn makanan kt depan Maryam, kun faya kun. Allah can.

But he wants us all to work for it, no matter what the outcome will be. sebab usaha tu yang Allah kira. setiap goncangan, sekecik dan selemah mana pon goncangan tu, Allah bagi, bagi dan bagi pahala kat kita. sebab apa? sebab kita berusaha. bukan untuk sesiapa pon. tapi untuk Dia.

subhanallah, hebat x hebat Maryam :)

dan begitu jugak hebatnya pakcik yang DI jumpa tu. m

May Allah shower him will all the blessings in this month of Ramadhan for his hard work. bagi lah dia kenyang dengan rezeki yang dia dapat. 

Pakcik kenyang, kita pon kenyang dengan sadaqah that we did :D

alhamdulillah.

just don't.

Allah made us different from each other for a reason.

you might not like what i like and vice versa.

What I learned from it is that, Allah is telling me to accept others as others are trying to accept you. as much as you hate a person for doing something you don't like, try to understand why he or she is doing it in the place.
we might not know the whole story.
don't judge. don't cut ppl off. don't say i hate u or it-whatever it might be

just, try to understand.
he might be doing it for a completely different reason from what u're thinking.

because we are different.
Allah has made us to understand each other. so we could fit all the similarities and differences and fit them all together to make a whole.

hold it nowwww

sabar.
no wonder la Allah byk je kata dalam Quran, org yg banyak bersabar tu ganjaran dia BESAR. syurgaaaaaaaa

a 5-letter word. pendek je tapi mak aihhh..berpeluh2 nak buat heee..
cuba ingat balik kalau kita on the verge of letting out our anger to people. Allah said

  ...those who swallow their anger...

(3:134)

one of the characteristics of people of Jannah. Allah said 'swallow' because ppl shouldn't even be able to detect the anger on your face. kalau marah, sstgh org muka die akn merah padam smpaikn org tanya, "tgh marah ke?" ppl shouldn't e able to ask you that question. that's the meaning of swallowing our anger.

sabar untuk tak hemburkan segala kata2 kesat kat org lain. 

haaa memang teruji la sgt bila dduk kt rumah dgn adik2. salah sikit nak marah. ada je yg xkena. padahal

"Ramadhan itu adalah bulan sabar, sedang sabar itu pahalanya adalah syurga.."

(riwayat abu khuzaimah dr Salman r.a)

sabar dalam hadapi dugaan. sabar dalam ternanti2 sesuatu yang kita nak. because we know, and we believe  Allah xsegerakan benda yg kita nak tu because He knows we don't need it yet or that He holds it for something much better. 

so, sabar DI. 

sangatlah kena bersabar :)

kita bukan camni :) mulut tu kecikkn n mata, xyah la bulatkn sgt. sepet pon comel ap

Erti Hidup pada memberi

in life, we want all sorts of things.
what if, for a change, we give instead of wanting to receive?

:)

syukur bila dapat memberi.
syukur bila dapat buat org senyum.
syukur bila dapat buat org gembira.

tambah2 lagi, syukur bila Allah redha dgn apa yang kita buat.

you. yes, you.

sometimes we forget. how much pain we had to endure during this journey of a lifetime. we forget the tears that we shed during our darkest hour.
because He had replaced all of that with something much more...argh, can't find the right word.
something that makes all of the craziest moments fades away. all that's left is nothing but a faded memory.

in life, people come and go. but those who managed to take away your anger, pain, sadness, they're one of the greatest gift.

thank you for being you.
thank You for giving me the chance to have a minute, an hour, days, years to know these great people.

doesn't makes sense right?
haha. well, u can read between the lines if you're one of them :)

a period of silence

Nak share, insyaAllah :)

a period of silence. when a distance between two or more people has grown. when no words are exchanged, let alone thoughts. emotionally and physically. we felt something is missing, that the piece of a loose string is becoming thinner and thinner.
We need words of comfort. We seek but couldn't find it.

Bila Rasulullah s.a.w dapat wahyu yang first skali, he was scared. First time jumpa malaikat Jibrail. sampaikan bila baginda pulang ke rumah, Rasulullah saw minta diselimutkan oleh Khadijah. "selimutkanlah daku," Rasulullah kata.
But at the same time, he fell in love with Allah. He found what he has been searching for, after all those times alone which he had spent in the cave. Allah had chosen him for a reason. For what he has been, and for what he will become.
Tapi, selepas tu Allah tangguhkn wahyu untuk nabi yang sangat kita cintai nie. Kenapa ye? Allah buat mcm tu sebab nak buang perasaan takut dalam hati Rasulullah saw dan untuk dia rasa rindunya dekat Allah. nak terima something special dari Allah. ye la, bila kita xdapat khabar berita dari orang yang kita syg, family and akhawat2 kita, mesti kita tertanya2 kenapalah dia xcontact ak lama sangat dah nie...
mcm tu jugak Rasulullah saw. Imagine, 6 to 9 months without any words from Him. Tapi Allah tu Maha Bijaksana. Dengan penantian yang lama ni, Rasulullah saw dah jadi semakin yakin bahawa dia rasul Allah. no doubt anymore. cuma waktu tu, Rasulullah rasa cam Allah dah tak sayang kat dia. "did I do something wrong?"
Kalau kita, mungkin dalam situasi macam nie kita point finger to the other person. "Kenapa lah dia ni xcall ak. Dah xigt kat orang la tu.Busy la sgt." Itu la, ini lah. Dia xtelefon, dia yang bersalah.
Why didn't we call that person first? Mungkin kita yang xigt kt dia in the first place.
Rasulullah waktu tu sedih sangat. tapi dia xsalahkan Allah. Rasulullah salahkn diri sendiri, takut kalau dalam tempoh tu dia ada buat benda yang Allah tak suka. DI tak boleh nak bayangkn macam mana Rasulullah cope at that time :(

Jom kita reflect.
berapa lama kita xpegang quran? mungkin dalam bulan Ramadhan yang penuh dgn barakah nie kita ambil masa utk try baca at least a page or two after solat, insyaAllah.
tapi before this? after this?
rasa x nakkkk sangat baca quran? rindu dkt love letter Allah?
Alhamdulillah sgt2 kalau Allah bagi perasaan tu :)
take time not only to read, but to understand. setiap benda yang Allah kasi kita baca, mungkin Allah nak bagi solution kt kita.

kita xperlu pun melalui satu tempoh masa yang Allah xde dgn kita mcm Rasulullah had experienced. Kita, quran dah ada depan mata. tunggu utk diselak je helaian2 die :)

may we not take His words for granted, insyaAllah :)

protected

With everything that is happening to our brothers and sisters worldwide, i think its time to go back to the basic.

Tak tau la kenapa tp dua tiga hari DI asyik dapat ayat psl sebaik2 penolong and sbaik2 pelindung utk kita.
Maybe Allah nak ingatkn seteruk mana the situation we're all in, Allah ada.

We all heard about Save Maryam in Indonesia, the brutal killings in Syria, Palestine, Burma to name a few.
Jom kita sama2 manfaatkan ramadhan nie, kita guna senjata org mukmin, DU'A.

Include them in our prayers. Let Allah sends His army to help them insyaAllah.
pray that they are strengthened everytime they have to fight for Islam.

our hearts go to all of them, our brothers n sisters.

Tetapi hanya Allahlah pelindungmu, dan Dia penolong yang terbaik

(3:150)

being independent

When we were young, we couldn't wait to grow up. But now when I'm nearly 20, all I could think about is how scary the whole world seems to be.
We can't hold on to our loved ones forever.
We don't know how long we have left in this world.
Dunia ibarat satu persinggahan, n when we leave this all behind, we would be all on our own.
tapi xsempat nak smpai ke situ lagi, DI dah rsa takut. bukan takut apa, just that it seems i'm going to go a journey independently.
Dah sampai satu tahap, kena sorang2. no one physically by my side.
camne tu?

maybe because of the way I've been brought up, the way I've been treated, I'm used to have people to be there beside me. Letak je la kat mana2 pon, kalau ada phone, mesti akan call parents at least once a day. so much for being the eldest ,eh? kt mrsm, kt kmb, wajib cakap ngn parents sekali sehari. xpon msg.

my dad, who is dear to my heart would come and fetch me even though its a 4 hours drive from my home to taiping. my ummi, an angel, she told me to get the next flight back to Kedah when I whined I wanna go home a week before the IB exam.
haaaaaaa...

sahabat2? i'm sorry they had to put up with me nearly 24/7. Ada sorg sahabat kata, "eeee, ko bleh tak jgn jln dekat2 ngn ak sgt? stgi tercmpk msuk dlm longkang kot." Yep, my habit. kalau jalan tu, rsa cm magnet nk melekat kt org. mau org tak menyampah. sesetengah org ok, but not everyone.
for those who knew me well, they let me hold their hands. haha. coz they now i'm a kid at heart.

but one day, ada sorg yg sgt2 DI kasihi fillah cakap: "Bella, awak kena jadi matang."
for some reason, it just struck me, hard. Orang lain tau je perangai DI mcm mana but I know that it's true, that I have to change.

There will come a time where I have no one beside me except Him, so I might as well get used to it. I don't want people to see me as someone who can't take care of herself, someone who would cry any second when something goes wrong.
Nak kata I'm strong, no. but I'm trying to be. Believe me. Changing from one phase of my life to another, that's hard.

But its going to be fine.

"...dan berpegang teguhlah kepada Allah. Dialah pelindungmu; Dia sebaik-baik pelindung dan sebaik-baik penolong" (22:78)

I have the best protector and the best helper I could ever ask for. Being independent doesn't mean being alone. It's just that I can stand on my own with Him looking out for me. 

InsyaAllah

this feeling!

Letting go was never easy.
but if it means you can grab the ultimate love, who wouldn't want it right?

Lama dah DI nak share "I Love You So" by Maher Zain but everytime I thought of uploading it, i just can't do it. as much as i love the song, the words, how i feel about it, i couldn't. simply because i'm not there yet. tahap di mana DI boleh kata, "yes, i feel what u feel" sbb ada benda yg tak settle lagi dalam diri.

Macam mana la agknya org yg feel the presence of Allah in everything he or she does? Ihsan, for short. kadang2 kita lupa Allah tgk, kadang2 kita tak peduli pun Allah.

I wish that everyone could see, that your love has set me free. set me free and make me strong


I do wish it. Alhamdulillah, benda yang DI rasa impossible sebelum nie, is actually achievable. because we're doing it for Allah.
our 24 hours as a muslim, have we given it fully to Allah?

tadi, Alhamdulillah Dia bg chance utk sy berkumpul dgn hati2 yang sama2 nk ingat Allah, dduk di bwh sayap2 malaikat insyaAllah. EVeryone needs to be reminded once in a while. termasuklah DI yang selalu je tersimpang nie. nak katanya, bestttttttt sgt perasaan bila semua org sharing2 pasal the One we all love. and we do love Him with all our hearts. kalau sayang manusia, kita xnk kongsi dia dgn sape2 pon. tapi hebatnya berkasih sayang dengan Allah is that we want to pull everyone towards Him so we can feel His presence with us every second of the day. Kita tak kisah, lagi ramai orang cari Dia, lagi la best.

ada haritu, saya kena jawab satu soalan: saya akan gembira apabila ....(dot dot dot)
n i answered: apabila saya tau saya nie disayangi.
haha..over much?
don't think so. semua org nak rasa disayangi Allah tu. and we are, sis! each and every one of us :D xigt masa Dia tolong kita jawab soalan dlm exam? tak igt ke masa Dia permudahkan jalan kita bila otak nie dah x jumpa solution? masa kita sedih, xboleh bagitau sape2 pon sbb sume org tgh sedih, sape yg kita jumpa?
Allah kan :D

Bestnye bila rasa we are being watched over. Ada yang pimpin kita when everywhere around us is dark. senang cerita, the light of my life :)

Rasa la, Allah tu sangat2 teramat sayang kt kita. kalau manusia boleh sayang sesama sendiri, imagine Dia yang bagi rasa tu, wujudkn rasa sayang tu, yg sayang kita. subhanallah! boleh menangis macam nie...

Jom sama2 kita cari Allah.
Bila lagi kan?

diri ini

*huarrggggghhhhhh*
sudah penat dengan tidak berbuat apa2. haritu seorg akhawat yg dikasihi fillah called, out of a sudden. DI kata la, "lamany rasa x berkerja keras utk Dia. dduk saje je kt rumah." n she replied, "xboleh buat kt rumah, tp still ad internet kn? heee.."n i got her point. there is absolutely no excuses whatsoever. bukan nyer satu cara je.banyak lagi we can do to get the message across, to let everyone know of Him.

fikir2 balik, dkt diri sendiri pon x fully brainwash lagi. masih ade karat2 tu. memang pon its a never-ending work but yeah, its totally worth it :)
sbb dia bukan short-term punya keja, n hasil yg nak dapat at d end pon bukan benda yg xbagus. jannah tu :)))

betol la. everything starts from within. buat la segala benda yg termampu. even when people don't like u anymore, even when ppl starts to drift away frm u, bring that heart of urs (of mine) closer to Allah. lagi org xsuke, lagi tu la kita suka nk dekat ngn Allah. sbb manusia tu can come and go, but we always have Allah with us.

I need Him more than ever now!! :'(
relationship ap yg paling penting lg melainkn dgn Dia?
Is He in our hearts?
better be
everything seems unimportant right now. sbb nak kejar Dia balik. dah rsa jarak tu semakin menjauh

reasurring oneself?

sometimes u do something for all the wrong reasons.
we assure ourselves that what we are doing is for our own good.
but yet, we do it only to satisfy our wants. our lust.
we cover our actions with words of wisdom and good thoughts so that it will look ok.
but actually, we are liars. we know it but we're still doing it all the same.
because its not us that are in control of ourselves.
we've been thrown over by our lust.

is it right to say 'aaaaaaa, my nafsu got over me again' ?
boleh ke jadikan benda tu satu alasan??
sakit memang la sakit. susah memang la susah. sebab tu Allah namakn benda nie jihad. jihad melawan nafsu. are we fighting hard enough? or are we letting our nafsu take control so easily, so willingly over our hands, our eyes, our minds?

i'm speaking more to myself than anyone else on this one....it's a never ending jihad.

sekelumit rasa

praise to Him!
for what?
well for starters, He gives you the feeling. oh nope, not just any kind of feeling.
but the feeling of loneliness, emptiness, not being able to survive this dunya.
when He gives you the feeling, u would know that u wouldn't able as to lift a pen without His permission. without His wish, ur heart wouldn't even beat.
when He gives u the feeling, quickly go to Him so that u can fill the emptiness in u with Him. That's what u call falling in love.
its falling in love with the Real Thing.
Oh God, seriously it's pricey.
u wudn't get it in a blink of an eye.
that's why jannah is so precious and expensive.

i know u'd understand. because u feel it too. even when u're not saying it and i'm not talking to u, u know it. let's cling on to Him first :)

take me back

have u ever gone through a situation where u've been so absorbed with your work or your own life, and u didn't even realised that u're starting to ignore other's presence, other's love for you. you've been so worked up with what's going on with you, that others didn't seem that important.

sama la jugak kes nye kalau sekarang ni kita sgt2 la rsa absorbed dlm dunia yg penuh dgn kesenangan, xda nak kena guna otak sgt sbb xperlu struggle pon nak pikir tv channel mana yg nak ditekan, ataupun hari nie nak makan ap.bila dah ada semua tu depan mata, mulalah kita mengabaikan satu benda yang sebelum nie sgt2 kita sayang, sgt2 kita kasih sbb kt dia je la kita turn to when everyone else is absorbed in their own little sanctuary.

kita sekarang sibuk sgt.sibuk dengan benda2 yg kecik2. benda yg xperlu tahap IQ yg tinggi utk sussed it out.  storm in a teacup, ppl say. "nak pakai baju ap utk jumpa kawan, ye?" haaaaaaaa...soalan nie xde pula susah waktu tgh busy dgn study dulu. sbb quite frankly, its unimportant.

setiap hari tengok je langit. tengok je air. we walked on the ground. we see other people.

tapi setakat tu je la. 'haishh mana ad masa nak usha org tu makan ap, pakai ap.' 

takde, bukan suruh usha pon. 

but how often we use our great minds which Allah has given us, to just think about Him?

we say, 'look beyond what lies in front of us.' sekarang la. bila lagi? Allah bagi spectacles Islam kat kita, bukan semua orang dapat kn? 

so sekarang nie, what went wrong? where's our conversation abt Him dat we usually had in our free times when we not forcing ourselves to look at biology books, chemistry books? 

we have all the free times we can ask for right now, but what are we doing with it?

mathurat entah ke mana. where's our istiqamah?

now, we so focused on d next drama on the tv, so absorbed in what others are posting on your wallpost, so obsessed with the trending tweets that we forget.

we forget the one that its name never seem to escape from our lips during times of tides n hell.

sure, we pray 5 times a day. give a pat on ur back, good girl. but is that it?

are we Ihsan? do we feel He's watching over us?

Dia sentiasa and always will be looking out for us.

when u fell asleep on ur desk doing homwrk or whatever, u woke up with a blanket over you. maybe your mum saw u sleeping and couldn't stand seeing u cold overnight. 

but Allah is much better.much2 better :)

Baginya (manusia) ada malaikat-malaikat yang selalu menjaganya bergiliran, dari depan dan belakangnya. Mereka menjaganya atas perintah Allah...

(13:11)

Seriously, x rasa cool ke dijaga sebegitu rupa?

angels! imagine, if we were able to see them, subhanallah! 

our own personal bodyguards :)

dan bukan sape2 pon yg suruh, Allah yang suruh. 

xnampak lagi sayang Dia yg sgt2 syg?

kita? xingat pon sgt kt Dia. 

kalau Allah kurniakan rasa kita nie dh lama dh xjumpa Dia, rasa mcm org yg kita love sgt2 dh xpedulikan kita, Allah tgh bagi chance tuh :)

chance utk we go back to Him. mana tau kalau betul2 nnti dh xdiketuk hati nie, na'uzubillah :(

jom la kita rush towards Him. mcm mana sorg anak yg kalau lari rumah n parents dia marah giler2, they will always leave the door open for you to come back. 

:)

Allah, take me back. 

not now

weyhhh...
i'm just a kid. we put aside the '20 years old' for a minute.
everyone says dat. everyone sees it. n im in no position to say its wrong.
don't do this to me.
i just DON'T KNOW.
please, not now.

Is this a test for me, Allah?
i'm trying to grow up. but not this fast.
i can't handle this problem.
not now

wake up call

Di xsedar dlm merasai keseronokan duniawi, rupa2nya there is something missing. and which is much2 more important.
dlm meredah hari2 yg telah berlalu n yg akn datang, rupn2nya diri ini sudah jauh.jauh sgt. org lain suma yg dikasihi fillah di utara, DI kat selatan.
and the opposite direction isn't good at all, i tell u.
bila baca quran n its meaning with no feeling watsoever, i feel bad. mana hilang rasa tu?
bibir sebut je "Allah, Allah..." but only Allah knows whats inside our heart at this very moment. who or what is filling our hearts?
Allah xpenah stop nak bagi hidayah Dia yg sgt2 bercahaya tapi kita yg tgh menepis cahaya tu, halang dari masuk dlm diri yg hati dah mula menghitam.

"Dan siapakah yang lebih zalim daripada orang yang telah diperingatkan dengan ayat-ayat Tuhannya, lalu dia berpaling darinya dan melupakan apa yang telah dikerjakan oleh kedua tangannya?"

kalau Allah dah bagi ayat mcm ni, mmg cm terpanah la DI sekarang ni. memang manusia bersifat pelupa. tapi bukan namany pelupa kalau kita sengaja. we know its WRONG yet we cover it up with the word RIGHT RIGHT RIGHT. 

why? because we feel good about it. on top of the world. yet its bringing us closer to Hellfire. 

Allah sambung lagi ayat di atas:

"Sungguh, Kami telah menjadikan hati mereka tertutup (sehingga mereka tidak) memahaminya, dan (Kami letakkan pula) sumbatan di telinga mereka..."

(18:57)

Jap. hati tertutup. no feeling when reading the Quran. x memahami ayat2 cinta Allah.

Ya Allah :'(

we have been blessed when Allah opened our hearts to accept Him. now? we're closing it.

do we even realise it?

tengah menzalimi diri sendiri...

tabahnya

dlm dunia nie, bermacam2 jenis orang yg DI dah jumpa.
tapi paling susah nk jumpa ialah orang yg jiwa dia sentiasa dlm kesabaran. sabarje, walau apa pun yg dah jadi. tak kira lah Allah bagi ujian cmne pun (yg penting ujian yg DI rasa Di xlepas kalau diberi kt DI)

percayalah bila Allah kata

Allah tidak membebani seseorang kecuali dengan kesanggupannya...

(2:286)

bila tengok balik kt ujian2 yg dah kita lalui, maybe at that time it seems IMPOSSIBLE. macam manalah DI nak buat nihh.. *susah hati jantung berdegupo kencang* tapi apa yang Allah bagi?

Dia bagi ketenangan. and it wasn't that easy to get it, i tell ya. 

(iaitu) orang-orang yang beriman dan hati mereka menjadi tenteram dengan mengingati Allah. Ingatlah, hanya dengan mengingati Allah hati menjadi tenteram

(13:28)

kena beriman. bukan beriman setengah, suku ke, satu setengah ke. but the whole of ur heart and soul,solely for Allah. mula2 bila Allah kasi rasa 'best' tu, rasa cm i'm the most luckiest person alive! and then bila masuk waktu kefuturan, rasa down2 mcm duduk dlm lubang yg sgt dlm. and mula la nak miss time2 yang tgh deeply in love with Allah. tambah la rasa down tuh. tapi ada sorg yg DI kasihi kerana Allah pesan, "awk sepatutnya bersyukur sbb Allah bagi chance awk penah ada rasa tu." 

heart monitor nie pun ad up n down dia. straight line xbgus kn..sama la jugak ngn tahap iman kita. mana bleh Allah bagi kita sama je rate dia. 

   Apakah manusia mengira bahawa mereka akan dibiarkan hanya dengan mengatakan, "kami telah beriman" dan mereka tidak diuji?

(29:2)

d ups n downs menunjukkan kita tgh diuji. ad masa its way up high, and ad masa its falling. tp bagi orang yg Allah bagi dia kesedaran yg dia kt bawah, mesti la kita kena cepat2 naikkan iman kita kn? *dush2*

DI bersyukur di saat DI rasa lemah, Allah bagi chance utk pulihkn iman.

dgn satu msg yg DI dapat td, terus rsa diri ini masih lagi disayangi. 

iman hang macam mana?

hehe..bukan selalu dpt msg cmtu kn. hanya dr sahabat yg dikurniakan Allah buat DI yang lemah dan masih perlukan Dia in whatever circumstances i'm in.

woaa

DI nakkkkk :)

survivor

Ya Allah
We've made it.
it would b crazy if i tried to put it all down in one entry.
its just..impossible.

setiap jalan yg DI dah jejak, setiap lorong yg DI dah pijak, it stays there.
even if after this, i cudn;t go through the same old routine again, goin to the teachers, to the labs, to the toilet
its gonna b okay.
kan DI?

*tgh memujuk diri sendiri*
kira ok lah tu Allah bg DI peluang nk buat sume tuh.
what more could u ask Him for?
its been more than a week since i left it. n only now did i really really really miss it.
tambah la lagi dgn dok baca buku Hlovate memanjang, asyik ckp psl IB je heheh.
budak IB nie mmg tough ah.
look at the product eh? haha..

I've fallen in love with You there!
how can i forget such place?
tempat yg jd witness my real tears for You.
sungguh, i'm missing it badly right now...

kalau DI suro sume yg satu jalan ngn DI angkt tgn sape yg rindu, there would  no hands down.
kan :)

i'm just real glad Allah made me go through it all.
pejam celik pejam celik, we've survived it all my brothers n sisters.
we did.
and only because of Him we had strength. to fight hard.

sangatlah xphm bg org yg sgt2 happy dpt keluar, dpt bebas.
bebas ke? it would be a prison for those who didn't seek the real thing, n a safe haven for those who found Him.

tapi tula, dh berkali2 diigtkn supaya sume benda yg kita rsa jgn disebabkn bi'ah sahaja because it can b created, wherever we are in the world. but it really does help in the journey to become what we are now. n I really thank Allah for that.

two in one

there is two to everything.
with a chair comes the table.
with a pencil, there's the eraser.
with a shirt, there's a jean.
and with happiness, there's always sadness.
but with sadness comes the good behind it: a lesson.

why did Allah gave us heartaches when we should be filled with laughter? Behind every smiling faces, each and everyone of us was hurting. we didn't wanna ruin the fun because we wouldn't others to feel the same way we do.

but somehow, our tears brought us closer. closer than we could ever be.
if we laugh all the time, then we're not human. its unnatural.
because for every ups, there's a down.

He wants us to learn. learn life. not just live through it.

Innama'al 'usri yusra
and it's true alright.

Mixed

if i could describe my feeling in one word right now, it would be

MIXED.

one thing for sure,

i already miss it.

n i'm not leaving it yet.

this heart ache.

so much.

of leaving the place i fell in love.

n i know i'm not the only one 

and to Allah alone i seek my strength

my God is Allah :)

 

DI lupa.
td terkesan dgn ayat seorg akhawat, "kita tahu tapi kita lupa."
make sense?
kita dah lupa sape laaa yg sbnrny yg The Most Powerful.
dlm kekalutan mengejar benda yg xhabis dibaca, rasa xigt spenuhnya, we all forget the most important thing.
sape laaa yg bagi STRENGTH tu sbnry.
sape? sape?

bila last skali qiyam?
bila last skali mnta kt Allah?
bila last skali nanges bukan sebab manusia?

pening tau.sakit kepala dah menangis. menangis psl benda yg kecik. benda yg besar?

Tapi, ingat nie.

tawakkal itu dalam hati. 
Allah suruh kita berusaha laa! Jom!

jikalau hijrah itu utk nk tgk anak mat salleh or pkai bju sejuk ke or pegang snow ke, then u may well get it.
but if your hijrah is for Allah, then won't it be much more meaningful?
at the end of the day, which one will give you the ultimate satisfaction, o DI?

Selfish

being in KMB, like any other places i've been to before this, it never seem to escape from me the act of selfishness. i see it everywhere. even in myself.

how one can shut a door, not wanting anyone to disturb while studying. how one could not spent half an hour in  between maghrib n isya' for tazkirah. how one would ignore their friends who is having a hard time.

are all humans selfish?

but i also see another side.
the side where one person  is willing to lend her ears for their sis, close the books and immediately starts helping her on 4 assignments that need to be submitted in two days.
the side where one person is willing to spend her money to ice cream etc just to see her friend like her old-self again, not wanting to see a sad face.

in this precious times where everyone is seen running towards IB, we tend to close our eyes on seeing what other's problems. where's the support group we're saying that we are doing?
why can't you see ur own classmates having a hard time but yet u do nothing about it?
all it takes is a few steps to reach her door.

its funny how u want so much privacy that u are shutting everyone else out.

race

strength.
one word.
Allah.
He provides me with the strength even to get up on my feet.
now,
He's all I got.
He knows my limit,
and I pray that He will provide me with the strength that I need to carry on.
race against time

Kawan sampai syurga

*senyum*

Allah has given me a chance to see them, after a long two years.
well, to see all of them at the same time :)

to see one friend who was willing to come down from her Uni, getting a flight to KLIA to send our friend off to Japan,
to see two friends who were willing to go through all sorts of transportation from KL to the airport,
was awesome and i was really touched.
maybe this is the kind of friendship i was praying for.
and i got it Alhamdulillah.
it was my first time sending someone off. and even though i had to go back early (which was sooo sad) it was worth it. so worth it.

i wud say it was an unexpected friendship. wen everyone else would say their circle of friends revolves around classmates, ours is special. for two years in boarding school, we walked on the same carpet, passed the same cubes many times, and sometimes share the same beds :) those who went to the airport last night, all of us were from the same wing in Cempaka hehe...
ahhh...those wonderful wonderful times.

cubemate, i pray for u always in the land of the rising sun. i pray that ur journey will lead you closer to Him iA.
n pray that my journey will also bring me closer to Him.

Allah did not made our friendship because of nothing.
i want it to be even more special.
right now, i know we're best friends. but i want this ukhuwah to be because of Him.
we're getting there, inshaAllah.

ice cream is our favourite foooooood

ruginya

cuti ni, sudah mula terasa rugi.
days are filled with endless reading of chemistry, biology etc.
but the heart?
only the mind is full of words running around, trying to make sense of what I've just read but the soul...
the soul...
no wonder why everyone else is missing each other. missing the knocks on the door each morning, calling us for subuh prayers.
the shouts every night after maghrib, calling us all to gather to hear what Allah has planned for us in tazkirah.
endless reminders.

seriously, i duno how much i will be missing it.soon.
with so much that I have learned, now it will be put to the test.
if u want to see how much u're willing to do something for Him, stay in ur room n see what u will do wen there's no one around.

IHSAN.
(luv that word)

Pandangan

If there is one thing I don't like the most, its when a person holding a grudge on me for some reason which I don't even know.

The way they stare, the way that says "i don't wanna look at you", everything they do that simply holds a statement: you're not in my friend-list.

Ok.

I notice things even to the tiniest detail. but then again, maybe I'm wrong. maybe my interpretation was wrong. maybe that person simply had a bad day and I happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time.
Is it my fault then? you tell me.

I could look at it that way or i can look at it as a tarbiyyah that Allah wants to give me.
Who do I care the most?
Is it how YOU look at ME?
or how I look like to HIM?

which one is more important?
One thing I learned: you will get tired trying to live up to a standard that humans set for u. but when it comes to Allah, you are trying to be the best that you can be. and u don't know what the limit is which will push u towards becoming the ideal muslim that u can be.

isn't that our goal, brothers n sisters?
innallaha ma'ana.
don't be sad because Allah is watching over us and He knows which one of us is doing what He wants. the main thing, do it for Him, not for anyone else. live up to His expectation because He is The Best :)

a roller coaster

iman is fluctuating.
and now it is at its lowest.
a roller coaster ride, dats it.

but Allah knows all dat. He's the one who gives me life. like a mother having an intuition about her daughter needing her the most at one particular time, Allah is much more than that.
He knows what i need, and i don't even hav to say it out loud. an intuition? not at all. its called love.
even when i seek a person to tell me the solution to a problem i'm having, He gives it straight away without having me telling Him.

He gives it through the words of a sister. a companion whom I have missed for so long :')
even hundreds n thousands of miles separating us, Allah is the one who makes the impossible, becomes possible.

When we realised that we r not strong anymore, seek HELP.
don't pull back.
never, ever QUIT.
its not in my dictionary, its not in urs.

see it as a way for Allah to clean our hearts. our hearts, which we have left it untouched with Allah's love for so long.
Allah is telling me to clean it. properly this time.

celupkan saya dalam iman. 

break

DI sangat2 rindu kt akak2 yg sekarang tgh bertungkus lumus menggalas tnggungjawab, melakukan sunnah terbesar Rasulullah..
semalam, xtau kenapa tp rsa nak nangis. but don't know who d right person was for me to cry on. mayb sisters, mayb usrahmate yg comel2, myb my classmates.
but even to my surprise, DI ternangis kt bahu murabbi DI :') bila org cakap kita nie berukhuwah kerana Allah, dengan org yg kita xrapat or xtau pun background dia sgt compared to our bestfriends whom we have known all our lives pun boleh menjadi tempat mengadu yang sgt best.

why I feel sad? because as a human being, i can never escape from doing sins. ad je masa DI rasa, this is not for me. why can't I be like everyone else in the world with the title 'Muslim' who just focuses on her or himself? Jalan ini sangat panjang. panjang sampai xtahu mampu ke DI utk tsabat dlm jalan ni.
Kadang2 rasa nak take a break.

boleh ke?

kalau letak tangan atas lilin yg menyala pun xmampu, inikan pula kalau kena roast alive mcm Ka'ab b Malik, Sahabat yang sgt hebat, yang seriously, all his heart and soul is for Allah. only for the Ultimate One.

nie nak jalan yang senang. sedangkan Rasulullah kena baling batu bertubi-tubi sampai kaki berdarah dlm kasut, kita nie semua org dh Islam dh pun, cuma nak bawak diorg closer to Allah je. fill their hearts with His love, the infinite love. not the sort of love we all looking for right now in this dunia.

medan kita nie jauh lebih senang. memang, ad je masa kita rsa 'enough is enough.' tapi, rasakan lah, ad je hands  kat blakang kita yg push us back up bila mana kita tersadai. pelukan diorg, tangisan diorg, just a smile from them is enough to remind me that this is the right one. the right path. the journey i wanna be on. so that i'll be able to say, "yes, its true i stumbled along the way. not once, nor twice.but dozens of times. but You still love me. You helped me find my way back."

rugi x kita kalau kita nak jadi golongan minoriti? bila kita nak jadi org yg biasa2 je? yg xnak pun buat apa yg Allah suruh, just buat sekadar yg wajib je? padahal,

"apa yang ada di langit dan di bumi bertasbih kepada Allah..."

(61:1)

the whole universe is praising Him, making Him the ultimate goal in this life. xnak ke kita jadi dalam kalangan yang Allah sayang sgt2, cinta sgt2, rindu sgt2? 

Dia sangat cinta kat kita nie, yang slalu je buat dosa, yang selalu doubt Dia. when we say we have faith in Him, do we? do we trust Him with our lives? 

do I? 

sayangnye DI selalu xperasan benda tu. cari jauh2 sedangkan Dia ad je selalu. xpernah walau sesaat pun xtgk kita. 

I'm not like you

we always compare ourselves with other people. 

selalu anggap diri kita jauh lebih elok dari orang lain.

everyone is so small compared to us.

astaghfirullah.

yang menciptakan mati dan hidup, untuk menguji kamu, siapa di antara kamu yang lebih baik amalnya. Dan Dia Mahaperkasa, Maha Bijaksana

(67:2)

dia xbuat solat sunat, aku buat.

dia xbaca mathurat ramai2, aku buat.

dia xbaca quran lebih 5 pages sehari.

dan macam2 lagi yang timbul di benak fikiran.

padahal Allah x tgk pun jumlah. Allah tekankan quality. Allah kata : lebih baik amalnya. not lebih banyak amalnya.

 

*dush* *dush3x* diketuk di kepala dengan ayat di atas. x abes2 nak membandingkan amal yang seciput berbanding dgn orang2 yg lebih hebat, ber kali2x ganda awesomeness nye. subhanallah, tabik spring kt diorang. 

siapa yang lebih tahu akan hambaNya, selain Dia rite?

who are we to say that we have done our best? who are we to say that all we've done is enough?

Katakanlah (Muhammad). "Apakah perlu Kami beritahukan kepadamu tentang orang yang paling rugi perbuatannya?

iaitu orang yang sia-sia perbuatannya dalam kehidupan dunia, sedangkan mereka mengira telah berbuat sebaik-baiknya.

(18:103-104)

OMG. ayat nie lagi laaaa menikam qalbu.dihighlight 'rugi' di situ. paling rugi pulak tu. 

menangis cm nie. 

kau tak buat sehabis baik lagi la.

serius belum. 

boleh ke nak claim diri DI nie dah cukup baik, cream of the cream kalau selalu pentingkan diri? xnak ajak orang lain mencari cinta Allah jugak?

nak ke pimpin invisible hands masuk syurga?

refleksi diri yang cukup membuatkan DI tertunduk malu. sungguh. malu.

+ -

Sometimes He helps us by giving us what we really3x need the most. and sometimes He helps us by giving what we least expected to get. and through that, He made us what we are right now.

He tests me both ways.

He made my Individual Oral Presentation went very smoothly (well, at least that's what I think. alhamdulillah :D) 

and then, he made my journey back home went very roughly.

two in one eh? 

But thanks to Him also,

Inna ma'al 'usri yusra

Verily, when there are difficulties, there are relief

(94:6)

Allah ulang dua kali kot. Twice, He said whenever u face difficulties, for sure there will also be a way to overcome it. and peganglah dengan ayat nie. for He sure sends His help in ways u can never think of. 

and He did just that to me.

I'm the type of person who always goes by the book. and when told that we can't go home on Thursday (even when there's no class on Friday), that was it. ticket flight was on Thursday 19:50.

what to do.what to do.what to do.

i've been worrying myself about this for the whole Thursday. trying to find ways to go home.

i can't go by taxi alone, too dangerous.

nak tumpang kawan, sama2 takut nak keluar.

n macam2 lagi la.

Sungguh, usahamu memang beraneka macam

(92:4)

Tepat sekali. macam2 pikir nak buat.

risau smpai kawan pun naik risau. and what dear friends i hav :')
Allah sends His help through my sisters, who lend their hands to me.
At last, a sis whom i barely knew b4 this, came down to KMB straight after work to pick me up and send me off to lcct.
apa connection kiteorg ad b4 this? only one. kami berkasih sayang kerana Dia. and because we're together in this path, sgtla x pelik mcm mna seorg akhawat yg x ad persamaan langsung melainkan kiteorg ad Dia, snggup bergegas semata-mata nak amek DI.

subhanallah. how His love can tie us together.
jazakillahu khairan kathira sis for ur help.

betapa untungnya berkasih sayang kerana Dia!

u and i both, we know it

don't we?

lets stop.

stop and istighfar

for what we've done wrong.

we know its wrong, but yet we're still doing it.

u n i, we both know it.

between seronok and yg haq,

i choose haq.

let's not befriend the enemy.

our connection

out of all the people who have left some kind of traces in my life, urs were the one that stood out the most.
and until now, still is.

u don't need to be told if i'm sad.
i'm crying n u already know it.
even wen ur on the other side of the universe.
distance never seems to be the problem.

i know now that wherever i go, i'm still in ur mind.
u just won't say it out loud, will u ?
but all dat matters that I say it to u, so that u know
I always love you.

I never get tired of that.
even i don't get a reply, i know ur heart is shouting it out.

DI memang xlyk utk dpt dia,
but I'm glad that Allah gives her to me.

Random

"Awk gagah. Semua org gagah!"

words that are enough to make me retrace my step back.

And to wake up with Allah in mind (which is a really really hard thing to do >.< shame on me) has made my whole day seems full of colours.

I dunno why, but today seems different from every other day. There was no sad feeling, no intention of holding a grudge to anyone, and I laughed a lot ( i had to istighfar a lot too.)

Watching my friends from where I sit in class, watching them paying attention, watching them giving food secretly to the person next to them, trying to help each other stay awake through the lesson, they are all wonderful wonderful pictures.

As I was doing my work on my laptop, I saw writings on my desk which I did not recall having seen it before.

 Go nabila!

Go nabila!

Go nabila! :)

haha.. words from a friend does make you feel much better. words from Him, apatah lagi :)

The joy He gives me by having a good day today. 

your smile

Sungguh, orang-orang yang beriman dan mengerjakan kebajikan, kelak (Allah) Yang Maha Pengasih akan menanamkan rasa kasih sayang (dalam hati mereka)

(19:96)

Its true. Allah's love has no boundaries. even for those who forgets Him, who constantly ignore His signs around them.

He still gives me something I need the most. Not just one, or two, but a whole bunch of them.

Its funny how I can easily open my arms to hug someone who I never knew before, let alone saw them.

But His love shown through their love towards me, has made me who I am today. 

All those countless times I crawled back to my jahiliyah, they grabbed me so tight, as if they would never let me go.

Subhanallah, one of the thing that made me strong to face the uncertainties of the future is our love. Whenever I saw the video on hadith of the sahabah Umar Al-Khattab r.a where he said about the human resources.

I'm scared I couldn't become like Abu Ubaidah r.a or the other sahabah, whom when you throw them anywhere on this Earth, they will be able to take care of the religion.

they will be fine, because Islam is engraved in their hearts.

But I know, at least I have friends who are of the likes of the sahabah. their strength is my strength. which comes from Him. 

Insha Allah if He gives me the opportunity, i will give my best. because i know i'm never alone on this journey. 

though action speaks louder than words. 

Hati yang kering kontang

hav u ever done something, but without any excitement in doing it?
hmmm...DI sekarang mngalami situasi sebegini. semangat je bila jumpa org tu, org nie. cerita x penah habis. pastu, pegi bilik kawan tu, kawan nie.
suka.
but when everyone else is busy getting themselves closer to Him, where am I?
I was there too, doing what everyone else was doing.
solat, evrything that should have made me feel like He is with me. whom I can tell everything to, whom I can go to whenever evrybody else is not around for me.
sadly, hati nie rasa kering. mcm kena kemarau. langsung x feel connection. dah la kalau nak contact Dia, xperlu pon byr pape ke. free of charge but then, we somehow chose someone else other than Him.
bila buat sesuatu yg xde feel, sangat3 lah x best.

dulu, sblum pindah bilik n jauh drpd akhawat2, selalu je g mkn sorg2 kt ds, g kelas ke. nearly evrything i did by myself. but it made me feel I have Him with me. I always took the time to share with Him. "Takpe, org lain xde, aku ada Dia." so, cakap je la pape pun, I know He's listening.
rindu.

bila dah ada ramai kwn2 di sisi, DI dah xnmpak Dia. sdgkn yang xpenah tidur adalah Dia and He who watches over us Day and Night.
Teringat hari nak balik kmb aritu, naik bas. mlm. apa2 je boleh jadi. tapi xtau kenapa, hati rsa xsdp. ditambah lagi dgn mother ckp, "asl la x balik ngn flight.." hoho...apa lagi, hati dh lain macam. is something going to happen? tp boleh pulak ats bas tido dr awl perjalanan smpai la putrajaya, alhamdulillah. Boleh je Allah nak bg dugaan apa2 but instead, He kept me safe all the way sampai mcm x pecaya dh safely arrived. mmg Hebat ah Allah. The Best. syukur!

It is Him that has been with me from the beginning until now. and always will. when everyone else forgets me, He still sends His love in evry way u can think of.
Dia sangat3 rindu kita. DI sangat3 rindu Dia.
hmm...bila setiap kali bgn tido, nak igt Dia. no one else. nak say Thank You for giving me another chance to correct what i hav done wrong. n nak bgn sambil senyum :)

Pray that my heart will always melt when I remember Him and read His love letters...

...

Ok. Hanya Tuhan shj yg tahu hati ni mcm mna skrg.

I cannot survive without You.
That I know.
Please 3x o heart, have a strong faith in Him.
He knows everything.

Pengalaman waktu cuti

During kulsem after maghrib today, each of us had to share one stories about our holiday. Sharing2 la kirany. most of us talked about how great it was spending time wid parents and how important they are in our lives. some shared on how sad it was during the holidays because of how much time they've wasted on useless things (don't we always =.=) and so on.
but there was one person who shared sumthing which happened to her with her siblings that had touched me the most and i thought dat it has to be shared here :)
Cerita dia simple. dia orang perak so tambah dengan slang dia yg mcm org kedah menjadikan story dia sgt interesting utk ddengar.
She started her sharing sumthing like dis:
Pada suatu hari, semasa saya tengah duduk dgn dua orang adik sy di ruang tamu. tiba2 rasa nak share satu ayat  yang Allah kata:

Jika kamu meminjamkan kepada Allah dengan pinjaman yang baik, nescaya Dia melipatgandakan (balasan) untukmu dan mengampuni kamu. Dan Allah Maha Mensyukuri, maha Penyantun.

(64:17)

Dia guna analogi pen.

Katakanlah DI ada satu pen chumel. Pastu DI pnjamkn pen chumel tu dkt sorg kawan bernama Mina. Bila DI nak guna balik, DI x mintak terus cm kita normally mintak kt org, tp DI akn kata: boleh tak kalau DI nak pinjam pen chumel tu?

Comel x comel :) Allah laaaggiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii la sweet. Dah la kita hidup nie pun Dia yang bg kita pinjam sume benda, termasuk la badan nie. The air itself, is actually borrowed. We are borrowing everything from Him. tapi, kita tak sedar kan? buat mcm harta sendiri ad la. tangan yg Dia punya nie, kita guna utk buat benda2 yg xperlu n xpatut pun kita buat. mata jgn cakap la kn.

yang paling tersentuh bila kawan DI share psl adik2 dia yg tgh dengar dia citer tu. yg tua sikit tu, air mata dia boleh bergenang. maksudnya, bila Allah nak bagi hati kita tersentuh, akn lembut la hati tu xkira lelaki or perempuan. EVen org yg nampak je keras, tp its never impossible for him or her to shed a tear when He touches their hearts with His words :)

Imagine, brapa byk lagi kat luar sana yg x berkesempatan nak dengar ayat2 Allah. and kita yang dah dgr nie, yg inshaAllah tengah cuba sedaya upaya nak beriman dgn ayat2 Dia, we hav dat responsibility untuk sampaikan.

teringin jugak nak bagi adk2 DI sendiri rasa cmtu. myb DI ni xpndai nak cakap2. tp setiap kelemahan sptutny perlu diatasi. at least, try approach ngn cara lain. mana tau, Allah bukakn hati diorg nk dengar. belom cuba belom tahu.

Rasulullah s.a.w pernah bersabda: sampaikan walaupun satu ayat.

Wahh...powerful kan ayat2 Allah. share satu ayat je, boleh membuatkn ssorg tu sebak sbb apa yang Allah buat untuk kita, semuanya mcm melebihkn2kan hamba2 Dia yang serba kekurangan dsbbkn dosa2 yang tak tertanggung byknya. 

Kita bagi satu. Allah balas lebih. 

Who are we to say that Allah is not fair? He is wayyyy more than fair. :')