saya bangga

riak ke kalau kita bangga dgn diri sendiri?
kalau bangga dgn Islam mcm mana? of course there's a word for it.
Adakah anda IZZAH dgn Islam yg anda bawa skg nie? walau di mana jua anda berada? do people see Islam in you? How do YOU potray Islam to them?

takut kan kalau disebabkan kita, Islam tu dipandang serong. apa yang kita dah buat sebenarnya?
Ya Allah, seriously, living for a few weeks dah kt sini memang terasa benda tue. rasa yang "kau kena tunjuk Islam nie hebat. kata syumul. so make it syumul!" agak terasa berat disitu err..

first couple of days at medic school, serius, mmg terasa asing. kata nak jadi ghuraba. amek kau. but yeah, i felt it. sebab dah ad cop kat tudung en..hehe. but its alright. i'm proud of it. at least my hair won't dry fast (theory sendiri di situ)
imagine ure in a new school, don't know anyone there apart from a person who was also new. everyone has their own gang, and u just didn't seem to fit in into any of that group. sedih kan perasaan tu. rasa cm lonely nyeeee kt dunia nie. rasanya semua org pernah melalui benda ni. whether in ur primary or secondary or even when u enrolled into a college. nobody knows u and whats worst, nobody even seems to care.

tapi kan, Allah tu sgt lah baik. and even though there was a feeling, it was something that came up in my mind only for a split second that feeling, rasa mcm "aku ni different, sbb tu org treat aku different. why does it have to be me? nie mesti pasal tudung"(even u know this stuff is basic, tapi still xterlepas dr bisikan syaitan untuk pikir mcm tu), Allah bagi Harun kt DI to say that 'ure not alone.'
dannnn hari tu ada la sorg kawan yg dduk kt England nie, my best friend, tiba2 tulis kt DI :

So now you're in Belfast, I was thinking of trying to visit you at Easter :) Xmas would be too expensive :( xx

 nak katanya, even though people around u looked down at you (well, at least I think they do by their faces) or doesn't wanna talk to you, ad je manusia2 yg Allah letak kat serata dunia yang masih ada untuk comfortkan kita. yang kita tak terpikir pon ingat lagi kt kita. dis friend i haven't seen her in nearly 7 years :) ad je yang sanggup bersusah payah untuk kita.

and to remind you n i, kalau bukan kerana Allah yang hantarkn diorg untuk kita, who else? dan Dia xbuat semua tue kalau Dia nak kita hidup kt bumi Allah nie sorg2..

atas tu just selingan :) the main point is that
kenapa org sekeliling pandang kita cmtu in the first place? maybe we don't hav d chance yet to show them we're just as good as them in every way tapi Allah pilih kita untuk jadi Muslim, untuk bawa Islam kat tempat orang. patutke kita rasa "tudung nie ke yang problemo"

weh, istighfar.

kita sendiri yg tanam fikiran cmtu kt diri sendiri! *menangis*

Allah bagi nikmat kepandaian, nikmat kesenangan dapat duit mara yg banyak etc2 so sekarang nie up to us on how do we use the nikmat so that Islam tu dipandang tinggi :) Islam is rising and what are our contribution so far? nak dduk dkt sideline je ke and once Islam is at the top baru nk rush in masuk dalam Islam secara total? 

ps: ad ayat nie DI nak share tapi tu lah, mayb Allah xbg DI jumpa sbb nk reflect dh lama mana DI xtgk ayat2 Dia..sedih. berkaitan dgn atas nie so kalau sape2 tau, mohon share :)

more of a reminder

berlapang dada.
berbaik sangka.

agak susah tapi bukan xboleh achieve. tengok kiri kanan macam2 kita pikir. tengok benda2 yg jadi dkt diri sendiri pun, mcm2 sangkaan buruk tu. mulut berkumat kamit, bukan memuji Dia tapi dilepas pulak kata2 kesat. ntah betul ntah tidak org yg dikatakan melakukan kesalahan tu.

husnuzon, DI ye.
kalau lepas hujan pon Allah bagi pelangi, nie apatah lagi hamba Dia yang khilaf tapi sangat Dia kasihi, mesti ad je plan Dia tu.

menadah tangan

"Dah bersyukur dah hari nie?" satu soalan yang DI begitu ambil mudah bila kerap ditanya oleh seorang sahabat nie dulu.

ye la, cm mesti la bersyukur. syukur kepada Tuhan. ada apa pada syukur? bukan mmg manusia ni mmg patut bersyukur ke?

DI tiba2 teringat pasal soalan tu malam nie. td masa tgh belek2 photos kt fb dr zaman dahulu kala lagi, timbul satu perasaan yang, Ya Allah. aku sangat2 lah nak bersyukur kt Engkau pada saat nie. at this moment, i am so thankful to You. dan bersyukur Ya Allah masih diberi peluang untuk tadah tangan untuk bersyukur, bukan kat sape2. tapi kat Engkau Ya Allah.

from all those pictures, i can see that Allah is always there. with me. Dia letak org2 yg sgt2 baik kt keliling DI, Dia bagi org yg DI xpernah imagine boleh jumpa. Dia bagi satu perjalanan hidup yang sangat2 best. and i'm thankful because of that. 

from god knows what we used to be like, bersyukur lah sbb dari banyak2 org kt dunia ni, Allah sepcifically pick u out from the crowd to be one of those who still are thankful to Him. nikmatnya bersyukur tu sbb dari situ lah, Allah wujudkn kasih sayang untuk Dia. bukan utk sape2. Untuk Dia je :)

Kalau Allah bagi nikmat menangis, bersyukur la. sbb bukan semua yg boleh menangis untuk Dia. bukan utk sape2. sbb kita menangis, Dia yang dengar. Dia yg pujuk.

dan kalau Allah bagi nikmat menjadi org yang kecik, so bersyukur la. sbb bukan semua yg boleh muat baju saiz kanak2.

apa lagi...banyak sgt nikmat. smpai x tertulis kt sini.

Maka nikmat Tuhanmu yang manakah yang kamu dustakan?

Dulu xphm sgt pon apa yang Allah nak bagitau from this one ayat. n Allah has repeated it so many times in this one surah. dan DI sangat2 bersyukur sbb Allah bagi kefahaman utk nk fhm ayat ni betul2. 

Tak terhitung nikmat Dia, tp dgn tu jgk tak terhitung berapa kali kita x bersyukur. 

to be able to sit in a room with two wonderful housemates in a country that i wouldn't hav imagine to set foot in, DI bersyukur. 

to be able to realise all of this, DI sangat3 bersyukur. even when it took me one litre of tears to get through all of this, i'm thankful. 

hanya Allah saje yg tau betapa DI miss that quiet moment at night, just to talk.cry.whine.whatever.but yeah, i miss it. nak bagitau i'm thankful. that's all :)

your fault

u would think people know u. at least those who hav known u for quite some time. sedih when u thought they knew how u were but they still think u wud do such thing. n now u r upset.

TAPI xke salah diri sendiri bila org still treat kita d same walaupun kita rasa kita dah byk berubah? change for the better. nampak sgt kita xberusaha sehabis baik pon utk nak potraykan diri ini as what u shud b, a changed person who wants to correct their past mistakes. 

dan bila org still treat kita mcm org yg xpernah ditarbiyah mmg salah diri la. sape suro x firm dgn stand sendiri? sepatutnya smpaikan org bleh bezakan apa yang boleh n xboleh buat dgn kita. as much as we want to be a part of sumthing, we luv what we hold on to more. and that is Him

safe

Best kan rasa ada org yg selalu jaga n tak pernah tinggalkan kita..
That's what I felt during my stay in KL just before Eid.
Alhamdulillah, rasa dipermudahkn yang belum DI rasa sebelum nie.
Tambah2 lagi, the night I took the bus home from Shah Alam. Dah la takde sape2 pon balik sekali, sbb selaluny mesti ada at least 2 3 org jugak la yg balik sekali msa still kt kmb dulu.
Dan ada jugak beberapa detik when I felt like it was going to be my last journey home. Ada..seriously. dah la nak raya. accidents happen. ngeri je baca newspaper kemalangan2 di jalan raya :'(

Alhamdulillah, dipermudahkn dapat tiket balik even though its like 2 or 3 days more before raya even though i had to pay extra for the ticket. no surprise.
So, there I was waiting for the bus at the station and out of nowhere, someone who used to know greeted me. Back then, I still thought it was a coincidence.
it turned out, she was going on the same bus with me. ok, coincidence.
Mula2 naik satu bas ni, dah dpt tempat dduk. single pulak tu. sengih sorg2. tiba2, bus driver kata "awk bas satu lagi. bas tambahan." hilang sengih di muka.
turun laa bawak beg yang agk berat tu, and wait. Another coincidence, the first bus I had to get off from has 3 spaces left. "adik nak balik cepat tak?"
Mestila pakcik driver oii..ok, so up I went again on the bus. and this time, I got a seat next to that person who I used to know. Not some guy, Not a pakcik. But a girl who I used to know :)

Disebabkan dkt tiket tulis straight to my hometown, so DI relax jela atas bas tu sbb ingatkan most of the people on the bus is going to the same destination. Ada la brape stop pkcik bus buat, alor star, jitra etc. Tengah sedap2 tidur, DI dikejutkan oleh pkcik driver. "Turun kat ....... ka?" Angguk dua kali. I was half asleep at that time. Gaya nak terlelap balik, pap! terus bangun tengok depan belakang. the bus was empty. except for thegirl who I used to know and myself. and it was another half and hour before I reache
Hati masa tu hanya Allah saje yang tau how my heartbeat suddenly increases. adrenaline rush.
Masa tu, Allah berjaya buat hati DI sangat2 tersentuh. Allah jaga DI. Allah bagi the girl who I used to know to keep me company. He kept me company through her. He kept me safe with her.

Come to think of it, anything can happen. If I got another date for the bus ticket, I could be going home alone. or what if d girl who i used to know got on another bus atanother bus station. so many what ifs.

safe is only felt when i'm around those people who i know will take care.of.me. safe is only felt when i know i won't get hurt because there's people who i know will watch.over me.

but i know, even when i'm in the middle of nowhere, Allah is always watching. watching ovwr me. keeping me company. keeping me safe. even if there's not a person in sight.

Being safe is guaranteed when u have Him by ur side. i'll b alright insyaallah :)

Yang baru

I really do hope I'm ready.
Bersedia nak minta hati yang baru.
hati yang walaupun dah ada banyak tanda-tanda hitam, minta sangat boleh dibersihkan.


Agar hati tak mati berkali-kali.