Monday, August 19, 2019

When did I fall in love in the first place?

When asked this question, my mind would go back to the place where it all began. Where I was taught to actually 'see' what love means. What does it mean to really understand the word 'love for the sake of Allah'.

I remembered on my first day, trying to suss out where to go, what to do and not to cry, basically. I've never even heard about this place, let alone where it was on google Earth. All I know, people come here to excel and fly overseas. This was my chance to be one of those people.

While I was trying to get my mind together, carrying all sorts of things that were just given to me (a bucket which I will use for the next 2 years for laundry, I somehow remembered this very vividly God knows why), a senior sister came up to me, offering her help. Now, first thing on that came across my mind was actually, what does this person really want, hmmm? It's sad right to for that to pop up inside my head despite her genuine help (who knows?) I always wonder, is there still that sort of person left in this world, who would go out of her own ways to help others without asking anything in return? Even I expect something when I've done any good to others ehem...

Talk about something smells fishy. And it was, indeed.

Over the next few days (crying aside as I felt so alone being left in the middle of nowhere), God-knows-who started texting me. I haven't had the faintest idea where she got my numbers from. First instinct kicks in again. Very, very fishy indeed... This senior sister was asking me about how I was settling in, any problems to just let her know and asked if I could meet up with her when I'm free. Okayyyy... In this normal world, anyone would freaked out, right? I mean, a total stranger. But, seeing as I'm in KMB where there's less than 400 people in the campus and everyone is like the cream of the cream, I doubt weird people comes here. At least, it was safer than the outside world.

To cut long story short, this was where it all started. The rest is history.

People that I have come across in KMB, the weird and wonderful people, they were indeed God-sent to me. To make me see clearer, what everything is all about. To reset my life compass. Made me see the purpose of life.  Life is certainly a race, but it's more than chasing to become a straight As student who made it overseas, to further study in one of the most prestigious field in UK/Ireland universities, to finally being a doctor. That was my aim before. and it still is. But, there is so much more to this life than just that. Which one is aim and actually a tool. The classic egg yolk and egg white (to be honest, I have to read about this again and again everytime before I explain it to the younger generations just to make sure I got it right in my head).

Going back to that question: When did I fall in love in the first place?
I couldn't remember exactly the date but the moments just sort of intertwined together to make the perfect memory for me. Those days of meeting up with sisters, huddling together in a circle, opening our quran (that was the first time I had a small one and was introduced to the colourful stickers you would put on your favourite ayahs) and just literally in awe of what He is saying. For the first time in my life, I felt like He was actually talking to me through His words. Not just to everyone in general or the prophets. But to me. Who am I compared to all these amazing people that once lived and endured so many obstacles just because of Him? What have I done that I deserve to be spoken the same way? 

It is absolutely mindblowing how these people I have met in KMB, to introduce these things to me, which I was obviously oblivious to before this. How do they do it? How do they connect people to Allah, those who just merely wandering purposeless or their purpose was just so tiny compared to the bigger things I have just been introduced to?

It's because they don't just teach and pass it on. It's because they really understand and their hearts are full of the love for Allah that it's just a must to pour it out to others as well. They want others to experience it as well, to share with everyone what it truly feels like to be in love.

and I think that is when I really felt what they did and taught me, was genuinely out of love for Allah. and I hope that I'll be able to continue to do that as well.

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