solitude

I think for me, the meaning of tarbiyyah is becoming clearer.
For a long time, I thought I could survive on my own. but that's just it. Tarbiyyah means you have to hold on. But you can't hold on, on your own, for long.
There's always a reason why we were made as an ummah. one person means so much to another. why our deen is and always will be based on how strong we are when we're together.
One stick can easily be broken, but not when its in a big bundle tied with one string.
and now, it is becoming harder to hold on to this tarbiyyah especially if you're alone. He will surely test you. and I am going through it right now.
Once, not so long ago, all I ever wanted was a time for myself. to build myself and become stronger. No doubt I have others to go to but you know, there's always a period of time, usually when everyone is looking for you, that you just need to leave them and go away to a quiet place. just you, alone. away from the bustling of people. from the noise.
no matter how many times we've all heard it, i'm just going to say it again: when you finally have what you want, it will become a test rather than a nikmat. Be it anything.
For me, right now, its that period of silence. period of no one searching for you, no one worrying about you. no one, to ask you how's your iman. just you, trying to maintain it. we're not even talking about raising it. just trying to be just above that danger zone.

we all need sustenance. we all need tarbiyyah.
just, for once, appreciate the company Allah has given you. and that period of being alone, is not for forever. once you gain back the strength that you need, you need to quickly join others again.