Car

I hit the side of the road with my mum's car today.
The front tyre is now flat. It was a new tyre, got changed 2 days ago!
I told my mum I didn't want to drive the car anymore before this because I'm tired of it. Maybe once I was all excited getting my driver's license plus I got to be a chauffeur for my mum every now and then. Those days are over.
After having to drive back and forth from my house to Alor Star to do my hospital attachment, it was tired. And I haven't even spend one hour on a rod in KL on my own!
I'm sorry mummy. I swear I'll pay for the damage.
It would be so easy if I took the car straight to repair and change the tyre before I told my mum about it. She's in KL right now f.y.i.
We're supposed to pick her up tonight using her car at the airport but now the car can't be used because of the flat tyre. And I was the cause of it.
I am praying that she would not scream at me because of the car. (not that she will but then she'll be angry alright)
It's not as if I'd hit anyone with it but then I was reckless.

Me + car = not a good combination right now

Live LIFE to the FULLEST

If you treasure the beauty
that shows all around you
and try to add some of your own,

Enjoy the companionship
others can give you
yet value your moments alone,

If you honor opinions
that differ from yours
yet stand up for what you believe,

Admire the accomplishments
others have made
and take pride in what you can achieve...

If you love those around you
and love yourself too,

If your spirit is eager and free...
then you know what it means
to live life to the fullest
and be the best 'you' you can be!

-Amanda Bradley-

A NOTE TO SELF

Lebih baik mata itu buta jika tidak menghargai keindahan dan ayat-ayat Allah s.w.t.

Lebih baik telinga itu pekak jika tidak mendengar nasihat-nasihat Allah s.w.t.

Lebih baik anggota badan itu mati jika tidak melaksanakan segala suruhan Allah s.w.t.

Barangsiapa mengaku empat perkara tanpa disertai dengan empat perkara yang lain, maka dia adalah pembohong.

1.Barangsiapa mengaku cinta syurga tetapi tidak beramal dengan ketaatan, maka dia adalah pembohong.

2.Barangsiapa yang mengaku cinta Rasulullah saw tetapi tidak cinta kepada ulama dan kaum faqir, maka dia adalah pembohong.

3.Barangsiapa yang mengaku takut pada neraka tetapi tidak meninggalkan maksiat, maka dia adalah pembohong.

4.Dan barangsiapa yang mengaku cinta kepada Allah swt tetapi berkeluh-kesah dari bala, maka dia adalah pembohong.

-Al-Imam Ghazali

Journey of a Lifetime Part II

9th Dec 2010

The girls didn't slept in the village with the boys. We were given a place ( a premise a.k.a a tuition centre) outside the village and woud you believe it, with air-conditioning!
I think I slept at 2 am last night with a room full of UIA students. it was kinda scary because we've never seen each other before the program yet here we were, sleeping in a cramped space together. But it was ok since they were nice and Kak Shifaa made me feel like i'm part of them. Oh and not to forget Sya who was also in the room with me. She'd wanted to sleep next to me but then I fell asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow (although it was only a pile of clothes made into a pillow) that I didn't realised I had taken up a lot of space and there was no room for her... Sorry sya!

At 5 am, we were awaken by someone for qiyamullail. I rushed to the toilet first since there were only two toilets for nearly 30 people and I needed a shower! I couldn't be bothered to wait in the long queue last night so I slept first and shower later :D Honestly, I was only half awake during the qiyamullail prayers that I couldn't remember what I exactly did. Bad girl. This is what happened due to only hours of sleep. By 7 am, we were on our way back to the village for a start of a new day.

Poor caterers, they had to be at the village before 7 am to make breakfast for all of us. I forgot what the menu was but it was delicious yummy yummy. While they were making breakfast, the rest of us were doing aerobics. Qaiyyim, the leader of the activity, introduced the 'xi shua shua' dance. It was soooo cool!

After that, we had our second mahabbah visit. We were supposed to go to our family's house but mine weren't home as they have two house. The other one was across the road near the dock. The father told us he needed to keep an eye on the boat so, they had built another house near it. He is a fisherman and usually he would go to the harbour as early as 6 am and come home arounf 5 pm in the evening. Pak Cik Ali and Mak Cik Minah has 4 children (2 boys and 2 girls) altogether age ranging from 1 to 10 years old. And they have doggies!

During this time as well, we got our things together for 'gotong-royong' around the village! It was a great activity actually and I really enjoyed it. Here are some pictures of us (although there were a lot more posing for the pictures than actually working :D)

When that was over, we got ready for the big event of the day, sports day! The children were all excited like we were. There were many games that had been held during the day such as finding sweets in flour, passing a rubber band using straws and one involving water balloons! I also took part as the comittee group who compete in the race but of course we had to lose (for the sake of children) haha..

We continued the sports event until late in the evening for the children. At night, it was the adults' turn. I couldn't exactly remember what the games were as many of us were very tired from all the running during the sports day and handling the children as well.

But I can tell you I was wide awake during the post mortem that night. It was a hell of night alright. The one night I couldn't forget. Ever.

The head of commitee planned a birthday surpise for all of the December babies! But it was done in a very mean and horrible way! I actually thought I was in trouble! They actually got angry with me and I had to stand in front of everyone! How awful it was! As soon as they said it was for our birthday, I cried :'''( I couldn't take it first. It was mean!!! But then slowly, I regained conciousness of the whole situation and accepted that I've been pranked. It was still horrible though...But the two Secret Recipe cakes saved the day!

Journey of a Lifetime Part I

Assalamualaikum. I've been pushing myself to write about this entry for soo long since the day it happened. It has been one of the most memorable experience that left a big impact in my life. Hope that you all will have a time to read this :D

6th Dec 2010
Last day of SEM 1 EXAM! and its Maths. What a perfect subject. Somehow, it didn't felt like the last day of exam probably because of the humanitarian project that I'll be doing this week. Anyhow, I've made it through two weeks of exam. Next, the project! This will be the second big project for the Smiling Soul Club, a new club that was established this year by the juniors of M10E and M10F. The first project was a success and hopefully this one will be too!
At 6.00 pm, the bus of KMB made its way to UIA. This project is made with the collaboration of the UIA students. Upon arriving at UIA, we met with JASA members, a club that handles the project to do with Orang Asli. Our target is the Orang Asli at Pulau Indah, Klang. Our SOS members were divided into many bureaus and everyone seems to be looking forward to the whole project.

7th Dec 2010
Two days spent in UIA. It gave me a view on what's life would be like in a university. The worst part was we had to pay for our own meal where in KMB, the meals are always ready and we as a student only have to dig in. Imagine having to fork out nearly rm15 for one day on food! I am sooo glad to be one of the KMBians. Overall, I had a great time at UIA because the bulidings were all magnificent to look at! it all took my breath away seeing all the wonderful architecture...
Oh not to forget everyday we had to go to bed late at night to prepare for the journey to Pulau Indah and the activities that were going to be held there for the Orang Asli.


8th Dec 2010

The day we actually went to Pulau Indah, Klang. We got up early and got all of our things on the bus. We have planned to arrive at the place at 12 pm but was a bit late upon the arrival because of some technical problem with the bus. Since the bus cannot go into the village because the road was small, we had to unload evrything that we have brought with us and carried it by hands to the hall. Everyone helped with the carrying and it was a good sight seeing all hands helped. Once evrything is cleared, the catering bureau went straight to work and prepared our lunch while everyone else went for mahabbah visit. Mahabbah visit is where the KMB and UIA students each carried bags of clothes to be donated to every house in the village. The people there were all very friendly and welcomed everyone of us with open hands. The children were also excited to see many of us and almost immediately offered their help to show us the way around the village since it was our first time.
After zohor prayer, we had our lunch. We were told that the menu would not be the usual food we eat at home even at KMB, such as there would be no chicken and we have to bear with vegetables as well as salted fish for 4 days there. When you're hungry and there's not much choice on your plate, you don't really care what's on it, trust me. It was also very enjoyable sharing your food with others.
The module bureau had an ice breaking session with the children on Kampung Orang Asli Pulau Indah. The students introduced them to many songs. The children also made name tags for themselves and I could actually see their faces beaming with joy when they had made something on their own. They were proud of themselves. However, there were also a few who gave up all of a sudden even before trying to write something on their own. From this, I saw that they may have a low-self esteem and this could probably affect their learning particularly when they feel like this at such a young age.
At night, we had the opening ceremony with the villagers in the presence of Tok Batin. We've introduced the project and told about our aims of coming to the village. Each of the UIA and KMB students also has a 'family' of Orang Asli while staying there. This is really to create a closer bond with the villagers. I had two families but only got to know one. My brother and sister whom I share the family with are Azlan from KMB and Kak Atiqah from UIA.

Hate but Love

Everytime I'm home, I'm happy.That's normal right?
But at the same time, I feel scared. ashamed of myself. Why? Because I'm always lost in this godforsaken world of entertainment, being blinded by the loud musics, watching endless astro channels and lots more.
I hate it but I didn't stop myself from enjoying it.
A sister at the usrah once advised us not to just continue what we do in kmb only in kmb, but to keep our iman stronger once we're outside kmb. That's my biggest problem. There's no doubt that our iman will always has its ups and downs but its our responsibility not to let it go down too much and to control our iman.
It is hard for me. My prayer gets distracted, my remembrance of Allah is fading away little by little. The time I spent reading God's love letters becoming less and less.
And my mind, OMG, is thinking of stupid stupid things that makes me feel like I'm not that different than those people who does immoral things. I hate it.

Let them Be

Setiap orang mesti ad je kena kutuk.. no matter what its about.
Dulu, aku just terima je. biar orang nk cakap ap pun lantak la. sampai satu tahap tu, ak dah x tahan, ak balas balik.
Dan to this moment, i try to ignore what people r saying n kept telling myself its not worth it kalau kita kata balik kt org. ap yg kita dapat/ berbuih mulut ad la, membazir je air liur. bagi guna untuk digest food.
Tapi pada hakikatnya, cakap tu mmg la senang tp nak buat tu susah. Diri ni tetap tak boleh sabar. Nak je balas balik supaya rasa puas hati. Geram. Benci. Semua ada. How would it feel like if someone is saying bad stuff to you, about you? You wouldn't want to keep quiet right?

But take a step back and ingat balik. Kalau Rasulullah s.a.w, banyak lagi kot cacian dan maki hamun yang beliau dapat sewaktu nak sebarkan Islam. Kalau nak dibandingkan dengan kita nie, sebesar zahrah pun tak sama cacian yang diterima.

Waktu solat tadi, aku ingat balik apa yang budak2 kurang ajar tu ckp kat aku. rasa sakit hati sangat. Kalau boleh gi blok lelaki, nak je ak maki hamun balik depan2 diorang. Biar diorg rasakan balik. Astaghfirullah...tak khusyuk ak solat.

Alhamdullillah Allah gerakkan hati aku untuk ambil al-Quran dan baca, walaupun satu page. And Subhanallah, Allah is with me the whole time. He gave me guidance. Led me to His words:

"Dan apabila mereka mendengar perkataan yang sia-sia, mereka berpaling daripadanya sambil berkata: 'Bagi kami amal kami dan bagi kamu amal kamu; selamat tinggallah kamu; kami tidak ingin berdamping dengan orang-orang yang jahil seperti kamu."
(Al-Qasas ayat 55)

Apa yang aku dapat dari ayat di atas? Biarlah orang nak kata apa pun kat kita asalkan jangan ikut perangai diorg, jangan lawan balik. Cukuplah mereka yang membuat dosa, jangan ditambah lagi dosa kita pula insyaAllah.

So, lepas ni semoga aku dan kita semua ingat dengan ayat ini dan praktikkan nya dalam kehidupan zaman sekarang lebih2 lagi zaman saling mengata dan mengutuk orang nih. Bagi sesiapa yang selalu kutuk kt orang lain, ingatlah x payah susah2 tambah dosa.

Just stop it

I don't usually let out my anger (except when I'm having one of my 'moods') but I just lashed out at someone just now, let it all out. I mean ALL

I am so fed up with everyone who keeps making fun of me. Fine, if its just for fun but there's a limit. And when you've crossed that line, you'll be VERY sorry.

Although I'm the type of person who gets mad quite easily but I forget it ever happens to me very quickly too. I know its stupid but sometimes I just wished that I could stay mad at someone longer than I usually does. You know why? Because I'm tired.Yes, I'm tired of being the one who always have to put everyone else's first before me, constantly thinking of making someone feel better when the one who I really should care about is me. It is kind of selfish. But it is? Just for a second, a millisecond maybe, just think about my feelings.

I am so bloody tired. Tired of being nice and pretend what they're saying doesn't hurt me one little bit when it's eating me inside.

When you think making fun of someone in front of them doesn't bother them, well sometimes you're wrong. Totally wrong.

I'm sick of it. Just stop. Don't let me hate you all.

Siapa yang makan cili dia yang terasa pedas. and one more, think before you say something because it might be the last time you'd ever talk to me.

Allah itu Maha Mengasihani

Alhamdulillah.
about the problem i had earlier, it has been solved.Thanks to Allah. Dia sentiasa mendengar pertolongan hambaNya. InsyaAllah.
Allah has many ways of showing us His love.You cannot expect you will get help straight after you asked for it.But when He does help, it is in the most amazing way you can ever think of. Maha Suci Allah yang menciptakan langit dan bumi.
How can we ever repay Him? Allah does not ask for anything in return except to obey Him and follow all that is in the Quran and Sunnah. Five times a day of prayer will not harm you.One prayer at least five minutes to meet Allah, when we as one who have been created by Him should put Him above all else every second, every minute and every hour everyday. But in real life, I myself cannot do it but I will always try to remember Allah in evrything I do. Only by doing that, InsyaAllah you will be blessed by Him and never get lost from the right path.

I feel awful

I am really really asking for trouble. WHY WHY WHY??
Why do I have to be so careless? Stupid mistake.Stupid Stupid STUPID
I hate it.

I miss

24th June 2010

11.25pm

What I missed about Taiping?

I missed the time I called my fellow wingmate and urged them to go to the school cafeteria

I missed the time I walked alone each weekend morning to my class just to get away from everyone else

I missed the time I laughed out loud with my wingmates inside my cube

I missed the breezy mornings and the cold air filling my lungs each time I took a breath

I missed the companionship of my friends when we went down to the surau each sunset

I missed the noise surrounding the classroom

I missed the fight we used to have

I missed the good times I had with everyone in Taiping

I missed the serenity and the calmness in the Surau

I missed the steps I took almost everyday to the library

I missed the walks with a friend we took each time we needed to calm our minds

I missed ordering MacDonalds and waiting for the scrumptious food to arrive at the gate

I missed the teachers giving advice, mad at us and most of all proud of us

I missed the lining-up and chattering while we waited for the teachers

I missed the silence in the classroom when everyone fell asleep with heads tilted to one side or face down on the table

I missed that. I just wished I could go back and replay all of these things with these wonderful people I have met and made friends with. Some have been more than a friend to me. MRSM Taiping is truly one of the best places I have been in my entire life where it has moulded me to become a better person. What I have learned there is a whole new thing. I never thought I would call Taiping a HOME.

 

27^th June 2010

It's been a week since I came to Kolej Mara Banting. There are few surprises no doubt about it. Things I could have not have guessed. All in all, it is to me seems to be a place where great people are born.

I would be lying if I say I do not miss home because it is the first thing that I would think about everyday for the past five days. How I loved to be in my room right now or spending time in the kitchen eating leftovers. Though sooner or later I did know I have to leave it behind.

There were lots of stories about how life in KMB is going to be like. The difficulties, the hardship you have to endure in order to gain your IB diploma. It is a process of learning, you have to see it for yourselves. Do not be scared because you would never know how hard it is until you go through it yourselves.

From what I heard, IB prepares you for a hectic life as a university student. You learn how to balance the tasks given, manage your time well. Apart from that, you will learn how to lend a hand to others through various charity groups in KMB. There were seniors who went to Cambodia to do charity recently. They contributed in their own ways and KMB helps you to do that to many other people around the world, those who needs help. It has been one of my dreams to do charity and join these people in making their lives better. I hope I will get a chance to do that too just like the seniors.

Last Friday, a number of ex-students of KMB came here. When they told us where they are studying places like Cork University, Trinity College of Dublin and RCSI (Royal College of Surgeon, Ireland) I was so overwhelmed with excitement. I wish I could go there after IB, InsyaAllah. They really lifted my spirits, to become one of them. Their experiences as a medical students gave us hope and for me, gave me encouragement to really give my best in IB. If people says it hard, prove to them you can do it. If it so damn hard, do you ever wonder how there are people who made their way through this tough program and got a chance of their lifetime to continues their degree overseas? InsyaAllah, it is always possible to be one of the greatest. You have to TRY YOUR HARDEST. We are limited, but we can push back the border of our limitation.

I pray to always be in the right path and for Allah to guide me and make me a strong person so that I can continue my study here in KMB. For both of my parents, your strengths and words of encouragement made I loved you even more

Let down

Today I have made a mistake. People do make mistakes but that cannot be used as an excuse so that you could be forgiven easily.
Never in my mind I thought of burdening someone especially the people closest to me.but I did. and I truly am sorry.
It is hard when you feel you have let someone down. I think I can stand it if the person is angry with me.What I can't stand if the person tells me she is upset with me, speaks to me in a dissapointed voice. You can tell she is way past the angry part and you let her down so badly.
Why didn't I think before I act? I've made many mistakes recently. Even though I did admit to what I did, I'm still feeling horrible.
I don't know if I'm just unlucky these past few days or Allah is testing me.

Ask for Forgiveness

I used to be a person who never liked to admit my mistakes. Being a person that I was, it is easy to find fault in others rather than myself. I tend to cover up my wrongdoings with excuses. lots and lots of it. Why can't it be easy to just admit that "I did it."

Then, one fight with a classmate changed me to this person I am now. It took a long time for me to put aside my ego as being "the Right One" all the time . I knew if we stayed not talking to each other, it wouldn't get us nowhere. Before I had the guts to say sorry, I was fighting with myself where one part of me kept convincing I was innocent while the other urging me to go up to her and apologise. When I finally did, the tears came too. After talking to her, I was feeling much better.

It might seem like an easy thing to do (just go up to a person and say you're sorry, whats so hard about that eh?) but I couldn't do it before. To say I'm sorry, is just not me.

Alhamdulillah, now I am learning to say sorry if possible everytime I know I'm making a mistake.

To anyone, if I ever did hurt you in any way know that I am truly sorry and if I were given a chance to speak to you again, I would ask for your forgiveness.

Syukran

Got my bags packed last Thursday. I was going to go to kl for UM. I was offered asasi sains hayat. When I first read the result of UPU online, I was really not expecting for Universiti Malaya as it was my second choice. I admit, I was not grateful of what I'd got in the first place. I built higher hopes for MARA. I prayed and I prayed. Till one day, I realised that a lot of people out there were praying to get A place at ANY university and I should have been ever so grateful for my offer. UM is one of the top universities in Malaysia, also the oldest one. I stopped and I thought back, why shouldn't I be thankful to Allah for offering me this opportunity?

So, I've decided to go for UM while still waiting for MARA.

On 21st May at 4.00pm, I got a message saying I got an offer from MARA.

Tahniah anda berjaya Tarikh Pendaftaran : 22.6.2010 Kursus : PERUBATAN Program/Tempat : INTERNATIONAL BACCALAUREATE (IB) / KOLEJ MARA BANTING (KMB)

This is what I have been praying for.All this time, this is what I had hoped and dreamed about.And I got it. Syukran Ya Rabb

I do believe, if we pray and our nawaitu is for a good cause in the future not for just ourselves but for everyone you are with and will meet, insyaAllah your dreams can come true

Criticism

Have you ever had someone tells you that what you're doing is wrong?

Kalau dulu, memang sakit hati la dengar orang cakap "eh, yang kau buat tu salah la" or "apa hal nie, bukan elok pun buat macam tu". Rasa macam nak nangis je (yes, I do cry a lot over the slightest things) sebab benda yang kita buat, tak kena di mata orang lain.

Baru-baru ni ada la satu peristiwa yang budak ni condemn apa yang saya buat. Dia cakap tak suka dan rasa pelik kenapa ada orang buat benda tu. Bagi dia je. Padahal belambak lagi orang buat jugak. Mula-mula, saya tanya balik diri saya. Betul ke apa yang aku buat nie? Ke salah? I began to have doubts in what I do. That is one of my weakness. I sometimes tend to follow what people say despite of my opinions.

Saya minta doa. "Ya Allah, jika apa yang aku buat ni salah, maka jauhkanlah diri aku daripadanya. Tapi, jika apa yang aku buat ni betul dan tidak melanggar perintah-Mu maka tingkatkanlah keyakinan ku."

I couldn't get it out of my head for days. His words kept repeating itself to me. Then, I said to myself, enough is enough. That was his point of views. His and not mine. Biar lah dia nak kata apa. Memang tak salah pun. Everyone has their rights to say what they think or believe.

Contohnya, macam budak A suka minum air sirap. Budak B pulak tak suka. (ntah apa2 punye contoh haha). Biar la budak A tu minum pun. Bukannya salah. Tak ada undang2 mengatakan sirap tidak dibenarkan minum kan.

Stand for what you think is right. You have rights. But make sure benda tu memang bukan yang salah. Selalunya kalau jadi camni, its about a thing where there is no right or wrong answer.

Saya nak tegaskan di sini, different people sees different perspective of things.

Bukan semuanya betul dan bukan semuanya salah

(sorry tak boleh nak jelaskan apa dia "benda" yang budak tu condemn saya)

A peek inside my diary

I'd never thought I would be feeling this dumb again.

After so many times being let down, I am going through the merry-go-round again. I hated it

It's the feeling of being alone, that I don't belong with anyone. Maybe it's not for years and years to come but I want the feel of secure. That I don't have to search for anyone again. Just him and that is that.

Is it enough, using modern technology as the middle person so you can reach him? How on earth am I supposed to meet up with him when we're living hundred miles away from each other? But then, even if we'd ever get the chance to meet, would I go?

ok, I am talking like a saddo.

If there was ever The One, I want him to be mine. Everyone has their pros and cons. I just have to accept it as a part of him.

BUT

Now, come to think of it, why shouldn't I let go of this stuff? It'll come.Eventually.

Let's focus on MEDIC first.

I've got a whole loads of bodies coming my way. Yeah!

Anak Derhaka

May this story be a lesson to all of us. Mungkin kita rasa kita bukan dalam golongan anak-anak yang derhaka sebab kita tak pernah letak gunakan kaki atau tangan ke atas ummi dan abah kita tapi sesungguhnya banyak perkara yang kita lakukan telah mengguris hati mereka. Tanpa kita sedari, kita bersalah. Walaupun pada pandangan kita, diri ini yang betul dan merek (ibubapa) yang salah, ketahuilah they are still our parents. Apa salahnya kita memaafkan kesalahan orang lain atau setidak-tidaknya, cakap dengan nada yang elok jika kita yakin bahawa kita benar?

KISAH BENAR: ANAK DERHAKA
www.iluvislam.com
frida
editor: azzahra_solehah

Hairan saya melihat beberapa orang kampung berkumpul di kedai pada tengah hari itu. Serius mereka berbual hingga dahi berkerut-kerut. Lepas seorang bercerita yang lain menggeleng gelengkan kepala. Pasti ada sesuatu yang 'besar' sedang mereka bincangkan,kata saya di dalam hati . Setelah injin motosikal di matikan,saya berjalan ke arah mereka.

"Bincang apa tu ? Serius aku tengok," saya menyapa.

"Haaa? San, kau tak pergi tengok budak perempuan tak boleh keluar dari kubur emak dia?" kata Jaimi, kawan saya.

"Budak perempuan ? Tak boleh keluar dari kubur ? Aku tak faham bah," jawab saya. Memang saya tak faham kerana lain benar apa yang mereka katakan itu.

"Macam ni," kata Jaimi, lalu menyambung, "di kubur kat kampung Batu 10 tu, ada seorang budak perempuan tolong kebumikan emak dia, tapi lepas itu dia pula yang tak boleh keluar dari kubur tu. Sekarang ni orang tengah nak keluarkan dia?tapi belum boleh lagi".

"Kenapa jadi macam tu ?" saya bertanya supaya Jaimi bercerita lebih mendalam. Patutlah serius sangat mereka berbual.

Jaimi memulakan ceritanya. Kata beliau, memandangkan semalam adalah hari kelepasan semperna Hari Kebangsaan, budak perempuan berumur belasan tahun itu meminta wang daripada ibunya untuk keluar bersama kawan-kawan ke Bandar Sandakan. Bagaimana pun, ibunya yang sudah berusia dan sakit pula enggan memberikannya wang.

"Bukannya banyak, RM 20 aja mak !" gadis itu membentak.

"Mana emak ada duit. Mintak dengan bapa kamu," jawab ibunya, perlahan. Sambil itu dia mengurut kakinya yang sengal. Sudah bertahun-tahun dia mengidap darah tinggi, lemah jantung dan kencing manis.

"Maaak? kawan-kawan semuanya keluar. Saya pun nak jalan jugak," kata gadis itu.

"Yalah, mak tau? tapi mak tak ada duit," balas ibunya.

"RM 20 aja !" si gadis berkata.

"Tak ada ," jawab ibunya.

"Emak memang kedekut !" si gadis mula mengeluarkan kata-kata keras.

"Bukan macam tu ta?" belum pun habis ibunya menerangkan, gadis tersebut menyanggah,

katanya, "Ahhh?sudahlah emak ! Saya tak mau dengar ! "

" Kalau emak ada du? " ibunya menyambung , tapi belum pun habis kata-katanya, si gadis memintas lagi,

katanya ; "kalau abang, boleh, tapi kalau saya minta duit, mesti tak ada!" Serentak dengan itu, gadis tersebut menyepak ibunya dan menolaknya ke pintu. Si ibu jatuh ke lantai .

"Saida..Sai.. dddaaa.." katanya perlahan sambil mengurut dada. Wajahnya berkerut menahan sakit. Gadis tersebut tidak menghiraukan ibunya yang terkulai di lantai.

Dia sebaliknya masuk ke bilik dan berkurung tanda protes. Di dalam bilik, di balingnya bantal dan selimut ke dinding. Dan Sementara diluar, suasana sunyi sepi. Hampir sejam kemudian, barulah gadis tersebut keluar. Alangkah terkejutnya dia kerana ibunya tidak bergerak lagi. Bila di pegang ke pergelangan tangan dan bawah leher , tidak ada lagi nadi berdenyut. Si gadis panik. Dia meraung dan menangis memanggil ibunya, tapi tidak bersahut. Meraung si gadis melihat mayat ibunya itu.

Melaui jiran-jiran, kematian wanita itu di beritahu kepada bapa gadis yang bekerja di luar. Jaimi menyambung ceritanya ;

"Mak cik tu di bawa ke kubur pukul 12.30 tadi. Pada mulanya tak ada apa-apa yang pelik, tapi bila mayatnya nak di masukkan ke dalam kubur, ia jadi berat sampai dekat 10 orang pun tak terdaya nak masukkannya ke dalam kubur. Suaminya sendiri pun tak dapat Bantu."

"Tapi bila budak perempuan tu tolong, mayat ibunya serta-merta jadi ringan. Dia seorang pun boleh angkat dan letak mayat ibunya di tepi kubur."

Kemudian gadis berkenaan masuk ke dalam kubur untuk menyambut jenazah ibunya. Sekali lagi beramai-ramai penduduk kampung mengangkat mayat tersebut dan menyerahkannya kepada gadis berkenaan.Tanpa bersusah payah, gadis itu memasukkan mayat ibunya ke dalam lahad. Namun apabila dia hendak memanjat keluar dari kubur tersebut, tiba-tiba kakinya tidak boleh di angkat . Ia seperti di paku ke tanah. Si gadis mula cemas.

"Kenapa ni ayah ?" kata si gadis. Wajahnya serta-merta pucat lesi.

"Apa pasal," Si ayah bertanya.

"Kaki Saida ni..tak boleh angkat !" balas si gadis yang kian cemas.

Orang ramai yang berada di sekeliling kubur mula riuh. Seorang demi seorang menjenguk untuk melihat apa yang sedang berlaku.

"Ayah, tarik tangan saya ni. Kaki saya terlekat? tak boleh nak naik," gadis tersebut menghulurkan tangan ke arah bapanya. Si bapa menarik tangan anaknya itu, tetapi gagal. Kaki gadis tersebut melekat kuat ke tanah. Beberapa orang lagi di panggil untuk menariknya keluar, juga tidak berhasil.

"Ayah?kenapa ni ?? !! Tolonglah Saida , ayah.." si gadis menangis memandang ayah dan adik-beradiknya yang bertinggung di pinggir kubur.

Semakin ramai orang berpusu ke pinggir kubur. Mereka cuba menariknya beramai-ramai namun sudah ketentuan Allah, kaki si gadis tetap terpasak di tanah. Tangisannya bertambah kuat.

"Tolong saya ayah, tolong saya?kenapa jadi macam ni ayah ?" kata si gadis sambil meratap.

" Itulah, kamu yang buat emak sampai dia meninggal .Sekarang , ayah pun tak tau nak buat macam mana," jawab si ayah selepas gagal mengeluarkan anaknya itu. Dia menarik lagi tangan gadis yang berada di dalam kubur tapi tidak berganjak walau seinci pun. Kakinya tetap terpahat ke tanah.

"Emak..ampunkan Saida emak, ampunkan Saida.." gadis itu menangis . Sambil itu di peluk dan di cium jenazah kiblat. Air matanya sudah tidak boleh di empang lagi. "Maafkan Saida emak, maafkan , Saida bersalah, Saida menyesal. Saida menyesal.. Ampunkan Saida emak," dia menangis lagi sambil memeluk jenazah ibunya yang telah kaku.

Kemudian gadis itu menghulurkan lagi tangannya supaya boleh di tarik keluar. Beramai-ramai tangannya supaya boleh ditarik keluar. Beramai-ramai orang cuba mengeluarkan nya namun kecewa. Apabila terlalu lama mencuba tetapi gagal, imam membuat keputusan bahawa kubur tersebut perlu di kambus.

"Kita kambus sedikit saja, sampai mayat ibunya tak dapat di lihat lagi. Kita tak boleh biarkan mayatnya macam tu aja? kalau hujan macam mana ? " kata imam kepada bapa gadis berkenaan.

"Habis anak saya ?" tanya si bapa.

"Kita akan terus cuba tarik dia keluar. Kita buat dua-dua sekali, mayat isteri awak di sempurnakan, anak awak kita selamatkan," balas imam. Lelaki berkenaan bersetuju.

Lalu seperti yang diputuskan, upacara pengebumian terpaksa di teruskan sehingga selesai,termasuk talkinnya. Bagaimana pun kubur di kambus separas lutut gadis saja, cukup untuk menimbus keseluruhan jenazah ibunya. Yang menyedihkan , ketika itu si gadis masih di dalam kubur. Bila talking di baca, dia menangis dan meraung kesedihan. Sambil itu dia meminta ampun kepada ibunya dengan linangan air mata.Selesai upacara itu, orang ramai berusaha lagi menariknya keluar. Tapi tidak berhasil.

"Bila dah lama sangat, aku balik kejap untuk makan. Dah lapar sangat. Lepas itulah aku singgah ke kedai ni. Lepas ni aku nak ke kubur lagi. Nak tengok apa yang terjadi," kata Jaimi.

"Aku pun nak pergilah," kata saya. Lalu kami semua menunggang motosikal masing-masing menuju ke kubur.

Kami lihat orang ramai sudah berpusu-pusu di sana. Beberapa buah kereta polis juga kelihatan di situ. Saya terus berjalan pantas menuju kubur yang di maksudkan dan berusaha menyusup ke celah-celah orang ramai yang sedang bersesak-sesak. Setelah penat berusaha, akhirnya saya berjaya sampai ke barisan paling hadapan. Malangnya saya tidak dapat melihat gadis tersebut kerana di depan kami telah di buat kepungan tali. Kubur itu pula beberapa puluh meter daripada kami dan terlindung oleh kubur serta pokok-pokok rimbun.

Di dalam kepungan itu, anggota-anggota polis berkawal dengan senjata masing-masing. Nasib saya memang baik hari itu. Dua tiga orang daripada polis berkenaan adalah kenalan saya.

"Pssstt?Raie? Raie..Psstt, " saya memanggil , Raie yang perasan saya memanggilnya mengangkat tangan.

"Boleh aku tengok budak tu ?" saya bertanya sebaik saja dia datang ke arah saya.

"Mana boleh . Keluarga dia aja yang boleh," jawabnya perlahan-lahan seperti berbisik. Sambil itu dia menjeling ke kiri dan kanan khuatir ada orang yang tahu.

"Sekejap aja. Bolehlah?"saya memujuk.

Alhamdulillah, setelah puas di pujuk dia mengalah. Tanpa berlengah, saya mengusup perlahan-lahan dan berjalan beriringan dengan Raie seolah-olah tidak melakukan apa-apa kesalahan. Namun demikian dada saya berdebar kencang. Pertama ,risau takut di halau keluar. Kedua, tidak sabar hendak melihat apa yang sedang berlaku kepada gadis berkenaan. Selepas meredah kubur-kubur yang bertebaran, akhirnya saya sampai ke pusara yang di maksudkan. Di pinggir kubur itu berdiri dua tiga orang polis memerhatikan kedatangan saya. Raie mendekati mereka dan berbisik-bisik. Mungkin dia merayu supaya saya tidak di halau.

Alhamdulillah, saya lihat seorang polis yang berpangkat mengangguk-angguk. Raie terus memanggil saya lalu memuncungkan bibirnya ke arah sebuah kubur. Bila di jenguk kedalam, dada saya serta-merta terasa sebak. Saya lihat gadis berkenaan sedang duduk di atas tanah kubur sambil menangis teresak-esak. Sebentar kemudian dia memegang tanah berhampiran lahad dan merintih ;

"Emak?ampunkanlah Saida, Saida sedar, saida derhaka pada emak, Saida menyesal, Saida menyesal.." Selepas mengesat air jernih yang terus berjejeran daripada mata yang bengkak, gadis tersebut menangis lagi memohon keampunan daripada arwah ibunya.

" Emak?lepaskanlah kaki saya ni. Ampunkan saya, lepaskan saya," Di tarik-tariknya kaki yang melekat di tanah namun tidak berhasil juga. Saya lihat bapa dan adik-beradiknya menangis, di pinggir kubur. Nyata mereka sendiri tidak tahu apa lagi yang hendak di buat untuk menyelamatkan gadis berkenaan.

"Sudahlah tu Saida?makanlah sikit nak ," rayu bapanya sambil menghulurkan sepinggan nasi juga segelas air. Si gadis tersebut langsung tidak mengendahkan. Malah memandang ke atas pun tidak.

Dia sebaliknya terus meratap meminta ampun daripada arwah ibunya. Hampir menitis air mata saya melihat Saida . Tidak saya sangka, cerita datuk dan nenek tentang anak derhaka kini berlaku di depan mata. Begitu besar kekuasaan Allah. Memang betullah kata para alim ulama, dosa menderhakai ibu bapa akan dibalas 'tunai'. Malangnya saya tidak dapat lama di sana. Cuma 10 ,15 minit saja kerana Raie memberitahu, pegawainya mahu saya berbuat demikian. Mahu tidak mahu , terpaksalah saya meninggalkan kubur tersebut. Sambil berjalan kedengaran lagi Saida menangis dan meratap

"Ampunkan saya emak, ampunkan saya saya, Ya Allah, lepaskanlah kaki ku ini, aku bertaubat, aku insaf?" Lantas saya menoleh buat kali terakhir.

Saya lihat bapa Saida dan adik beradiknya sedang menarik tangan gadis itu untuk di bawa keluar, tapi seperti tadi, tidak berhasil. Seorang polis saya lihat mengesatkan air matanya. Semakin lama semakin ramai orang berhimpun mengelilingi perkuburan itu. Beberapa kereta polis datang dan anggotanya berkawal di dalam kepungan lengkap dengan senjata masing-masing. Wartawan dan jurugambar berkerumun datang untuk membuat liputan tetapi tidak di benarkan . Mereka merayu bermacam-macam cara, namun demi kebaikan keluarga gadis , permintaan itu terpaksa di tolak.

Matahari kian terbenam, akhirnya tenggelam dan malam merangkak tiba. Saida masih begitu. Kaki terlekat di dalam kubur ibunya sementara dia tidak henti-henti meratap meminta keampunan. Saya pulang ke rumah dan malam itu tidak dapat melelapkan mata. Suara tangisannya yang saya terngiang-ngiang di telinga. Saya di beritahu ,sejak siang, tidak ada secebis makanan mahupun minuman masuk ke tekaknya. Seleranya sudah mati. Bapa dan adik beradiknya masih tetap di sisi kubur membaca al-Quran, Yassin dan berdoa.

Namun telah di sebutkan Allah, menderhaka terhadap ibu bapa adalah dosa yang sangat besar. Saida tetap tidak dapat di keluarkan. Embun mula menitis. Saida kesejukan pula. Dengan selimut yang di beri oleh bapanya dia berkelubung. Namun dia tidak dapat tidur. Saida menangis dan merayu kepada Allah supaya mengampunkan dosanya. Begitulah yang berlaku keesokannya. Orang ramai pula tidak susut mengerumuni perkuburan itu. Walaupun tidak dapat melihat gadis berkenaan tapi mereka puas jika dapat bersesak-sesak dan mendengar orang-orang bercerita.

Setelah empat atau lima hari terperangkap, akhirnya Saida meninggal dunia. Mungkin kerana terlalu lemah dan tidak tahan di bakar kepanasan matahari pada waktu siang dan kesejukan di malam hari. Mungkin juga kerana tidak makan dan minum. Atau mungkin juga kerana terlalu sedih sangat dengan apa yang di lakukannya.

Allah Maha Agung..sebaik Saida menghembuskan nafas terakhir, barulah tubuhnya dapat di keluarkan. Mayat gadis itu kemudian di sempurnakan seperti mayat-mayat lain. Kuburnya kini di penuhi lalang. Di bawah redup daun kelapa yang melambai-lambai, tiada siapa tahu di situ bersemadi seorang gadis yang derhaka.

Editor: Semoga kita semua dapat mengambil iktibar dari cerita di atas. Betapa murkanya Allah kepada anak yang derhaka. Tiada keampunan bagi mereka melainkan keampunan dan redha ibu bapa itu sendiri. Redha Allah terletak pada redha ibu bapa. Ayuh teman-teman, kasihi dan hormatilah ibu bapa kita sementara hayat mereka masih ada.

A better person

Truthfully, I think I'm not there yet..

But I'm trying to get there. To be a muslimah who loves Allah, the prophet pbuh, her religion..

I am learning and I love everything that I have discovered about Islam.And I hope I will continue on finding out more about Islam.

I am praying to Allah to keep me on the right path. And what I do will have a good outcome later.

Maybe there are a couple of things that keeps popping up in my mind, useless things, but I pray that it will not overpower me.

Nawaitu

I want this because of that.

Let me give you an example..

THIS-to study overseas

THAT-nak cari pengalaman and at the same time, meet some guy

Kalau lah niat kita macam tu, agak2 dapat tak apa yang kita impikan? Apa yang kita minta?

Berbanding dengan ini:

THIS-to study overseas

THAT-nak cari pengalaman but most IMPORTANTLY, becoming a successful doctor

(remind you again, this is an EXAMPLE )

I think, my objective in life is to be someone who is able to use her skills and her knowledge to help people but there are other objectives too. and sometimes, it all get mixed up.

Now I realised why some of my dreams aren't turning reality because of my REAL intention.Sometimes, I don't know what I am thinking of. What I really want and why.

I have to be clear on why I want this or that. Maybe Allah will give it to me, and maybe not. but it all comes down to niat. If it is for good, then InsyaAllah I'm on my way of achieving my goals.

Ya Allah, janganlah bagi hati ini terpesong..

Kami Prihatin!

salam warahmatullah..

this post especially for those teenagers out there who are only thinking of themselves and never of the consequences of their actions..

Have you ever heard the song Harapan Tanpa Suara? Well, this song is really meant for those babies yang tak berdosa, dibuang merata tempat. Why? Sebab ada manusia yang tak reti nak bertanggungjawab dgn ap yg mereka sudah lakukan..

Ya Allah, Engkau bukakanlah hati mereka untuk menerima hidayah mu.

Kenapa wujud manusia sebegini? Bila buat, rasa seronok. Bila berdepan dengan padahnya, nak jalan keluar yang mudah je. Let me give you a similar situation here:

Everyone likes candy right? You eat them non-stop because they taste sweet. but the more you eat, the more sugar you are taking. What is going to happen to your body? You get diabetes, high blood pressure and so on...

Nikmat tu sekejap je.Akibat, ya Allah, kalau tak bertaubat tu sampai ke hari kiamat pun kita tanggung dosa tu.

Saya kenal seorg budak perempuan ni. Ye, dia pernah terlanjur and akhirnya pregnant. Tapi bayangkan, dia sanggup ke sekolah untuk ambil exam SPM sambil tengah hamil 6 bulan. waktu tu, mesti ad jugak la perasaan malu sebab semua org tengok dia. Her friends dah macam tak pedulikan dia.basically, dia kena tanggung sendiri la malu tu. tapi alhamdulillah, sekarang dia dah ada a healthy baby boy.

Berapa orang di Malaysia nie yang pernah berdepan dengan situation begini yang sanggup melangkah di hadapan orang ramai, face the shame and melahirkan seorang bayi walaupun orang pandang serong terhadap dia? Mula2 memang, saya pun macam pandang slack kat dia tapi bila pikir balik yang she took the courage to carry a baby inside her for nine months while other teenagers like her hides their stomach and lastly dumped their babies in a dumpster, she is brave and should be an example. I am not saying that we should all get ourselves pregnant but if we did it, then please don't kill an innocent baby.

Salah yang pertama, got pregnant. Salah yang kedua, bunag bayi. If you made the first mistakes, think twice before making the second one.

Sekarang ni dekat Malaysia, rakyat tengah berkempen untuk hentikan perbuatan terkutuk ni. "Kami Prihatin". This shows that, we don't want this situation to go on. We want to stop this. Banyak lagi option yang ada. Give the unwanted babies to someone who can love them. Jabatan Kebajikan ada. InsyaAllah ada pasangan di luar sana yang hendakkan anak.

Jangan biarkan hawa nafsu menguasai kita. Gunakan akal yang ada sebelum membuat keputusan. Minta lah kepada Allah Maha Esa untuk sentiasa memimpin kita dalam hidup agar tidak melakukan kesilapan yang boleh mendatangkan keburukan kepada diri sendiri kelak.

Taubatlah wahai manusia. Taubat nasuha. Jangan diulangi kesilapan.

“Ya Tuhan kami, kami telah menganiaya diri kami sendiri, dan jika Engkau tidak mengampuni kami dan memberi rahmat kepada kami, niscaya pastilah kami termasuk orang-orang yang merugi.” (Surah Al'Araaf:ayat 23)

Why choose doctor?

Dah x larat dgr banyak giler org nk amik medic nie kan to become a doctor.

When I was doing my research for MARA interview, I came across a few things about being a doctor.

Most people chose to become one because they want to help people.that's the basic.everyone needs to have a passion to lend a hand for those in needs. However, one person wrote that mana ade org yg nak jadi doctor just because of that. You are lying if you said u want to become one just for the sake of helping others. You're either in it for the money or you want the respect and feeling prestigious when people calls you "doctor".

For me, someone who really wants to help, they don't give a damn about the name. Why can't some people accept that there are a good person out there whose life is dedicated in helping others? Just saving a person's life even once a year can truly help YOU to become a better person. That feeling of satisfaction you'd get when a patient thanked you for all the hard work you have done in order to save them, that one really counts. and that is what I'm after.

If you're in it for the money, then don't go into medicine just for the sake of wanting to be a rich person.

You know why I chose this field of study? Because I believe this is the way I can really contribute to others, my country, my religion. I may face obstacles along the way, but I've been through many challenges in my life and so far I have survived. When I say I can, I can.

Kalau kita confident saje pun susah jgk. I read that to be a doctor, you cannot have sifat2 mazmumah especially riak. Buang lah jauh2 benda tu. Tak berbaloi pun.I think I learned that the hard way. Over confident won't get you anywhere. kalau kita tak dapat benda yg kita rsa we should have, last sekali kecewa bukan main huhu..so, have faith in Allah. His doings are the best for us.

ps: tulis nie bukan sbb geram.nk convince diri sendiri :D

Objective..Objective

What I am most afraid of in the room sitting in front of the interviewers is i'd get tongue-tied.

Please let me be fluent in my speaking and quick in thinking of a back up plan if they start asking funny questions.

preparing myself..

Alhamdulillah

Allah answers our prayers in 3 ways:

1.He says yes and gives you what you want

2.He says no and gives you something better

3.He says wait and gives you the BEST in His own time

He did gave me something better...and I thank You Allah

This Feeling Again

Assalamualaikum

So, the news is out. Date for SPM result is on 11th March. What am I going to do?

Well, for now what we can do (to all SPM 09 candidates), we pray. We pray that we will get what we want for our future.

Tawakkal is a good thing to do. We've done the best we can. We gave it our best shot. We read, we studied like hell, We remember all those little details in text books and revision books so all we hope for is right now to get straight A+!

Remember (this goes especially for me) if you get what you've dreamed and prayed for, never forget to give thanks to Allah and never..NEVER let takbur and riak get in control of you. You've done it, well done but in the future, be better. InsyaAllah rezeki yang Allah akan bagi nanti akan berlipat ganda if we stay as humble as we are.

AND if we don't get what we want, never lose FAITH and HOPE in ALLAH. He always something better in store for us. Setiap perkara yang berlaku ada hikmahnya. Cari hikmah itu and never look on the bad side of everything that has happened.

My story-

I knew I've filled in the application form online.I checked. Twice in a row. But maybe bukan rezeki aku. It was the SPC application form. I didn't get it. Well, I did cry for a bit but then my parents said, maybe Allah didn't give it to me because He has something much better for me. Maybe it'll come after the SPM result. Who knows. Allah does. Biar Dia tentukan apa yang terbaik untuk kita. Kita cuma merancang..

Ya Allah, tolonglah hamba mu ini..Kami mohon untuk kecemerlangan dan kejayaaan dalam SPM09 kami. Kurniakan kami straight A+ InsyaAllah..

A Friend

I dedicate this post especially to my beloved friend..

Nazirah,

If you were to read this, I want you to know I thank God I've been blessed by your presence in my life. Maybe my journey during these few years back had its ups and down but when you're by my side, it made everything worth while.

I know we've had our moments when we can't stand each other (how I hated those times) but the good times seems to wipe all the sadness I felt when I'm with you. I am truly sorry if I have ever hurt you in any way.

I don't know what the future is like for both of us. will we stay friends? will we be in contact with each other? But I do hope we'll make it through whatever obstacle coming our way. I don't care if all the people in this world are your friends but to me, you're number one.

I know we've been friends for mere 4 years but still, time doesn't decide. Maybe I've known Haikal for a long time, but a girl always need a girlfriend to talk to. Maybe I don't always find you when I'm in trouble but you're always on my list to call if I need a friend to share my story with.

I can't always lie to you because you know my face too well when I've been hiding something. Sometimes, I hide things from you because I don't want you to carry my burden. Know that I am always beside you to say "it's going to be okay"..

I may not always remember your birthday but everytime we're together, its our day.

Your friend,

Nabila

If I Love Someone

I am lying if I say I have never loved anyone.Yet I don't think I have ever loved anyone. Because I believe you will truly love someone once you love Allah. Once you love someone for the sake of Allah, you have achieve the greatest love of all and InsyaAllah your life with him will be a blissful one..

YA ALLAH

if I fall in love,

Let me fall for someone who

never gets tired of remembering You

YA ALLAH

if i love someone,

do not let me love him more

than I cherish You

YA ALLAH

If I miss someone,

let me miss the one who

always sujud..only to you

YA ALLAH

if I were to be with someone,

Let me be with him who practices

your religion, follow the Sunnah

YA ALLAH

if I am destined to be with someone,

make my journey to your heaven

with him as my guide

Right till now, I don't think I am able to have this feeling inside me. I don't think I am strong enough to handle Love to a man when I am still searching for His love..

Can you believe it for my entire life I have never clapped both hands. I guess I am lucky haha..

Anyway, I heard a saying once

"Jika kamu menyukai seseorang dan hanya kamu dan Allah sahaja yang mengetahuinya, maka kamu sedang berjihad"

I don't really know whether that is true or not though.

So far, no one has been the one for me yet.Hey, I'm only eighteen and if Allah willing,I have a lot more ahead of me. My goal right now is pursuing my dream in Medicine. InsyaAllah I am on my way to become a qualified doctor.

Dr. Nabila Rosaidi (a girl can make a dream come true!)

Looking back

I have been meaning to write this post for a long time but somehow I thought I did the same thing once so I can't really blame them. However, the past is the past and what is more important is the present.

Going back through the long years I have been living, I can say that I am not the same person as I was five to six years ago. I lived for several years in UK. Those wonderful years I have spent did leave me with some amazing experience (friends, schools, environment around you) but there was one thing I regretted the most.

Being a teenager back then, I didn't have much faith.I didn't care much about my religion.Of course I am a Muslim.Yes, I did wear my headscarf since I was seven. When people says "you're westernized" oh yeah it can happen alright and it is never impossible especially as a teenager living overseas, you can be easily influenced by the western culture.You started to see how they wear their clothes, the style and it doesn't take too much time before you started copying them. And I wasn't excluded from experiencing these things.

I am ashamed to tell that there was time when I didn't wear my headscarf.Mostly during P.E (Malay-PJ).During this period, we usually had to combine classes and I remembered one girl from Pakistan I think whom I talked to seldomly because she couldn't communicate in English very well. She never took off her headscarf even when we're doing P.E.Why didn't I follow her? Why did I have the slightest intention to show my hair?I didn't think it was important at that time though I knew my parents would go nuts if they saw me like that. Stupid! I now realise that Pakistani girl was proud to wear her headscarf.And I should have to.Mind you, my friends didn't tell me to show off my hair,no. They knew about it and they respect Islam. Why didn't I show them the good in Islam through my actions?Why did I disobey the most important thing as a muslimah?

I looked back now and I knew my decision to come back to my homeland was the right one.I was so close to stay back in Exeter and finished off my GCSE but I didn't. Although I missed my life over there, I never would have traded it for my life now. To me, I think Allah has given me the chance to travel on the right path. I would have never regain and strengthen my beliefs if I stayed in UK.

Alhamdulillah I got accepted in MSJC Taiping after scoring straight A's in PMR and through that achievement I have found something that is worth living for.Something that has made me who I am today. I have found the real Islam and the true joy of being a muslim.

I am lucky to have been given such opportunity to learn about so many new things I never knew about Islam.

Allah Maha Pengampun dan Maha Mengasihani my friends. It is never to late to ask for His forgiveness. And always remember we as human can never escape from making a mistake and that is why if you can repent every night for the things you did wrong during the day or any other time, do it. Jangan bertangguh. Only Allah knows if today would be the last time we'd ever breathe in the air..

22 Against One

Sebuah cerita yang menarik.. Ada seorang pemuda arab yang baru saja menyelesaikan bangku kuliahnya di Amerika. Pemuda ini adalah salah seorang yang diberi nikmat oleh Allah berupa pendidikan agama Islam bahkan ia mampu mendalaminya. Selain belajar, ia juga seorang juru dakwah Islam. Ketika berada di Amerika, ia berkenalan dengan salah seorang Nasrani. Hubungan mereka semakin akrab, dengan harapan semoga Allah SWT memberinya hidayah masuk Islam.

Pada suatu hari mereka berdua berjalan-jalan di sebuah perkampungan di Amerika dan melintas di dekat sebuah gereja yang terdapat di kampong tersebut. Temannya itu meminta agar ia turut masuk ke dalam gereja. Mula mula ia keberatan, namun karena desakan akhirnya pemuda itu pun memenuhi permintaannya lalu ikut masuk ke dalam gereja dan duduk di salah satu bangku dengan hening, sebagaimana kebiasaan mereka. Ketika pendeta masuk, mereka serentak berdiri untuk memberikan penghormatan lantas kembali duduk.

Di saat itu, si pendeta agak terbeliak ketika melihat kepada para hadirin dan berkata, "Di tengah kita ada seorang muslim. Aku harap ia keluar dari sini." Pemuda arab itu tidak bergerak dari tempatnya. Pendeta tersebut mengucapkan perkataan itu berkali-kali, namun ia tetap tidak bergerak dari tempatnya. Hingga akhirnya pendeta itu berkata, "Aku minta ia keluar dari sini dan aku menjamin keselamatannya. " Barulah pemuda ini beranjak keluar.

Di ambang pintu, pemuda bertanya kepada sang pendeta, "Bagaimana anda tahu bahwa saya seorang muslim." Pendeta itu menjawab, "Dari tanda yang terdapat di wajahmu." Kemudian ia beranjak hendak keluar. Namun, pendeta ingin memanfaatkan keberadaan pemuda ini dengan mengajukan beberapa pertanyaan, tujuannya untuk memalukan pemuda tersebut dan sekaligus mengukuhkan ugamanya. Pemuda muslim itupun menerima tentangan debat tersebut.

Pendeta berkata, "Aku akan mengajukan kepada anda 22 pertanyaan dan anda harus menjawabnya dengan tepat."Si pemuda tersenyum dan berkata, "Silakan! Sang pendeta pun mulai bertanya, "

1. Sebutkan satu yang tiada duanya,
2. dua yang tiada tiganya,
3. tiga yang tiada empatnya,
4. empat yang tiada limanya,
5. lima yang tiada enamnya,
6. enam yang tiada tujuhnya,
7. tujuh yang tiada delapannya,
8. delapan yang tiada sembilannya,
9. sembilan yang tiada sepuluhnya,
10. sesuatu yang tidak lebih dari sepuluh,
11. sebelas yang tiada dua belasnya,
12. dua belas yang tiada tiga belasnya,
13. tiga belas yang tiada empat belasnya.
14. Sebutkan sesuatu yang dapat bernafas namun tidak mempunyai ruh!
15. Apa yang dimaksud dengan kuburan berjalan membawa isinya?
16. Siapakah yang berdusta namun masuk ke dalam surga?
17. Sebutkan sesuatu yang diciptakan Allah namun Dia tidak menyukainya?
18. Sebutkan sesuatu yang diciptakan Allah dengan tanpa ayah dan ibu!
19. Siapakah yang tercipta dari api, siapakah yang diadzab dengan api dan siapakah yang terpelihara dari api?
20. Siapakah yang tercipta dari batu, siapakah yang diadzab dengan batu dan siapakah yang terpelihara dari batu?
21. Sebutkan sesuatu yang diciptakan Allah dan dianggap besar!
22. Pohon apakah yang mempunyai 12 ranting, setiap ranting mempunyai 30 daun, setiap daun mempunyai 5 buah, 3 di bawah naungan dan dua di bawah sinaran matahari?"

Mendengar pertanyaan tersebut, pemuda itu tersenyum dengan keyakinan kepada Allah. Setelah membaca basmalah ia berkata,

1. Satu yang tiada duanya ialah Allah SWT.
2. Dua yang tiada tiganya ialah Malam dan Siang. Allah SWT berfirman, "Dan Kami jadikan malam dan siang sebagai dua tanda (kebesaran kami)." (Al-Isra': 12).
3. Tiga yang tiada empatnya adalah kesilapan yang dilakukan Nabi Musa ketika Khidir menenggelamkan sampan, membunuh seorang anak kecil dan ketika menegakkan kembali dinding yang hampir roboh.
4. Empat yang tiada limanya adalah Taurat, Injil, Zabur dan al-Qur'an.
5. Lima yang tiada enamnya ialah Solat lima waktu.
6. Enam yang tiada tujuhnya ialah jumlah Hari ketika Allah SWT menciptakan makhluk.
7. Tujuh yang tiada delapannya ialah Langit yang tujuh lapis. Allah SWT berfirman, "Yang telah menciptakan tujuh langit berlapis-lapis. Kamu sekali-kali tidak melihat pada ciptaan Rabb Yang Maha Pemurah sesuatu yang tidak seimbang." (Al-Mulk: 3).
8. Delapan yang tiada sembilannya ialah Malaikat pemikul Arsy ar-Rahman. Allah SWT berfirman, "Dan malaikat-malaikat berada di penjuru-penjuru langit. Dan pada hari itu delapan orang malaikat men-junjung 'Arsy Rabbmu di atas (kepala) mereka." (Al-Haqah: 17).
9. Sembilan yang tiada sepuluhnya adalah mu'jizat yang diberikan kepada Nabi Musa yaitu: tongkat, tangan yang bercahaya, angin topan, musim paceklik, katak, darah, kutu dan belalang. Dan bukti-bukti itu ialah angin taufan, belalang, kutu, katak, darah, tongkat, tangan, belah laut, memayungi mereka dengan awan, al-man, al-salwa, batu hingga yang lain daripada tanda kekuasaan Allah yang mereka saksikannya.
10. Sesuatu yang tidak lebih dari sepuluh ialah Kebaikan. Allah SWT berfirman, "Barang siapa yang berbuat kebaikan maka untuknya sepuluh kali lipat." (Al-An'am: 160).
11. Sebelas yang tiada dua belasnya ialah jumlah Saudara-Saudara Nabi Yusuf.
12. Dua belas yang tiada tiga belasnya ialah Mu'jizat Nabi Musa yang terdapat dalam firman Allah, "Dan (ingatlah) ketika Musa memohon air untuk kaumnya, lalu Kami berfirman, 'Pukullah batu itu dengan tongkatmu.' Lalu memancarlah daripadanya dua belas mata air." (Al-Baqarah: 60).
13. Tiga belas yang tiada empat belasnya ialah jumlah Saudara Nabi Yusuf ditambah dengan ayah dan ibunya.
14. Adapun sesuatu yang bernafas namun tidak mempunyai ruh adalah waktu Subuh. Allah SWT ber-firman, "Dan waktu subuh apabila fajarnya mulai menyingsing." (At-Takwir: 18).
15. Kuburan yang membawa isinya adalah Ikan yang menelan Nabi Yunus AS.
16. Mereka yang berdusta namun masuk ke dalam surga adalah saudara-saudara Nabi Yusuf , yakni ketika mereka berkata kepada ayahnya, "Wahai ayah kami, sesungguhnya kami pergi berlumba-lumba dan kami tinggalkan Yusuf di dekat barang-barang kami, lalu dia dimakan serigala." Setelah kedustaan terungkap, Yusuf berkata kepada mereka, " tak ada cercaan terhadap kamu semua." Dan ayah mereka Ya'qub berkata, "Aku akan memohonkan ampun bagimu kepada Rabbku. Sesungguhnya Dia-lah Yang Maha Pengampun lagi Maha Penyayang." (Yusuf:98)
17. Sesuatu yang diciptakan Allah namun tidak Dia sukai adalah suara Keledai. Allah SWT berfirman, "Sesungguhnya sejelek-jelek suara adalah suara keledai." (Luqman: 19).
18. Makhluk yang diciptakan Allah tanpa bapa dan ibu adalah Nabi Adam, Malaikat, Unta Nabi Shalih dan Kambing Nabi Ibrahim.
19. Makhluk yang diciptakan dari api adalah Iblis, yang diadzab dengan api ialah Abu Jahal dan yang terpelihara dari api adalah Nabi Ibrahim. Allah SWT berfirman, "Wahai api dinginlah dan selamatkan Ibrahim." (Al-Anbiya':69).
20. Makhluk yang terbuat dari batu adalah Unta Nabi Shalih, yang diadzab dengan batu adalah tentera bergajah dan yang terpelihara dari batu adalah Ash-habul Kahfi (penghuni gua).
21. Sesuatu yang diciptakan Allah dan dianggap perkara besar adalah Tipu Daya wanita, sebagaimana firman Allah SWT "Sesungguhnya tipu daya kaum wanita itu sangatlah besar." (Yusuf: 28).
22. Adapun pohon yang memiliki 12 ranting setiap ranting mempunyai 30 daun, setiap daun mempunyai 5 buah, 3 di bawah teduhan dan dua di bawah sinaran matahari maknanya: Pohon adalah Tahun, Ranting adalah Bulan, Daun adalah Hari dan Buahnya adalah Solat yang lima waktu, Tiga dikerjakan di malam hari dan Dua di siang hari.

Pendeta dan para hadirin merasa takjub mendengar jawapan pemuda muslim tersebut. Kemudian ia pun mula hendak pergi. Namun ia mengurungkan niatnya dan meminta kepada pendeta agar menjawab satu pertanyaan saja. Permintaan ini disetujui oleh pendeta.

Pemuda ini berkata, "Apakah kunci surga itu?"

Mendengar pertanyaan itu lidah pendeta menjadi kelu, hatinya diselimuti keraguan dan rupa wajahnya pun berubah. Ia berusaha menyembunyikan kekuatirannya, namun tidak berhasil. Orang-orang yang hadir di gereja itu terus mendesaknya agar menjawab pertanyaan tersebut, namun ia cuba mengelak. Mereka berkata, "Anda telah melontarkan 22 pertanyaan kepadanya dan semuanya ia jawab, sementara ia hanya memberi cuma satu pertanyaan namun anda tidak mampu menjawabnya!"

Pendeta tersebut berkata, "Sesungguh aku tahu jawapan nya, namun aku takut kalian marah." Mereka menjawab, "Kami akan jamin keselamatan anda." Pendeta pun berkata, "Jawabannya ialah:

Asyhadu An La Ilaha Illallah Wa Aasyhadu Anna Muhammadar Rasulullah."

Lantas pendeta dan orang-orang yang hadir di gereja itu terus memeluk agama Islam. Sungguh Allah telah menganugerahkan kebaikan dan menjaga mereka dengan Islam melalui tangan seorang pemuda muslim yang bertakwa.

You Need Two Hands to Clap

Lets say that you're in love with someone. Of course you're wishing like hell that he would love you back. You are willing to give everything you have to him just so that he replies your love letters..You filled his school locker with gorgeous and expensive gifts only to have him enjoying the free presents, not trying to find or even care about the sender. Would your heart be broken to pieces finding out the person you cherished the most doesn't know you even existed?

Now, lets look it through another perspective. You and The Almighty. He is The Most Gracious and The Most Merciful. He loves every living creature in this world but how many of us repay His love by doing what He wants you to?How many?

Truthfully, I didn't care that much either about all of this when I was younger.But then as I get older I see that His Love is the most powerful of all and to me if I can't earn His love, I am not yet ready to learn to love someone. There is nothing that can outstand His Love towards us. Ya Allah, let me be close to You and remember You every single day that I am going through.

Just like my fellow blogger, I agree that we always ask what we want but do we give anything in return? Even if we perform all the ibadah, is it out of Love? We pray five times a day but did we remember him throughout the prayers? Or does the mind wander off someplace else? Yes it is hard to be khusyuk when doing ibadah and I am sad to say that I too have this problem.

Return His Love out of the goodness in your heart. You love Him and He will always loves you more. When you have two hands, you clap and it makes a sound.

Spoilt Brat

You know, being the eldest always means you have to sacrifice.Doesn't matter if it's a toy, something you wanted to buy it usually meant to be given up to your other siblings. I remembered once my brother and sisters got to buy things they'd like but my parents were like "you can't have that.give chance to your siblings.You're the eldest."

I can tell you I did get sick of those words-you're the eldest. whatever it is, the others' needs come first. I just have to wait till I can get what I want.

As I get older, it became a part of me to watch over my younger sisters,if they fall I would be the cushion. If they want something, I would get it for them. Being the eldest is not easy believe me. Especially if you have lots of bros and sis to take care of. I salute those who have a family the size of a football team.

Since I'm staying at home during this holiday till the exam results come out, I got the chance to be the only child while the others went to school. During the short hours I spent at home with my mum especially, I'd got the chance to strengthen the bond between a mother and daughter. And I loved every second of it.
A few days ago when I was accompanying my parents to Alor Setar, I noticed something different. Usually when I said I want something or I want to buy this or that, they were usually reluctant to follow my needs. But that day amazingly, they were like ok-you decide we follow. I know to most of you out there these things are normal but not for me. I don't usually get this kind of 'special' treatment. To my surprise, I didn't like it. I know I have wanted their attention for so long but when I finally got it, it seemed unfair. Unfair to my other siblings even if they weren't there. I am used to be the one who stand back and let them be the first to get everything and when it came to me, the opportunity to be what I always wanted, to have what I always dreamed of having, I felt it wasn't mine to have. It isn't right.

I like to have been a spoilt little child for some time but not anymore. I guess it's a part of me that I've grown out of. Being an older sister isn't such a bad idea. For one thing, I did get my parents all to myself for almost more than 3 years before my brother came to this world. Maybe I didn't remeber those moments alone with my parents but what is important, I know they love me all the same. Every child is special in their own amazing way and it's normal to feel like an outsider in your family once in a while but your parents never want to replace you for anyone else, even if they're better than you in any way.